Monday, 19th July, 2004

aw What a woderful weekend I just had.

Like I said, Katie and I went to a wedding of a very old friend of mine (um, I don't mean that he is very old — I mean that I've known him for ages )

It was up in the Lake District, at a youth hostel, and the whole day (and the day after) was wonderful. Gorgeous scenery, gorgeous sunshine, gorgeous people ... all completely fab

I got the chance to catch up with some people I haven't seen for donkey's years (who, incidently, seemed to have forgotten that I'm a trannie — but never nmind ) and afterwards, me and Katie went for a saunter round my old stomping grounds in Ambleside.

It was so fab and I've been feeling all lovely and smiley every since. Weddings seem to have that effect on me...

...

I don't normally screw about with the order of things in my diary, but I thought I'd just slip this in here before the bit where I go off on one and start wittering on about motorbikes...

...and I'm afraid it's another rant.

Well, maybe not a rant as such — more of a moan.

I've just been to the shops to get food and booze. On my way there, I invarily have to negotiate various groups of drunk people out having a sneaky bottle of gin by the river (I know — it's illegal apparently, but that doesn't stop them)

Normally, it's oldish tramps. With dogs on string. But today it was a group of kids.

No seriously — kids. About 14/5 I'd say. Sat there on a bench with a bottle of vodka.

Now, I'm not the most brave princess in the world — especially not when it comes to groups of kids (they make me more scared than adults) but I figured, head down, keep walking, ignore them...

(BTW, I was dressed as a boy)

You can always tell when things are about to go wrong in these situations, when you hear the words "Oi mate!" Sometimes, obviously, they just want the time, or a light, or to know something — but most of the time it's the start of A Scene™

"Oi mate! Do you know where the gay clubs around here are?"

Bizzare, I thought. They don't strike me as the kind...

"No. Actually, I don't think there are any gay clubs in Lancaster"

This is true BTW. There is a gay pub, and the odd gay night at a club (the one I go to) but no permanent gay clubs. Not like Blackpool or Manchester anyway.

For some reason, all the guy's mates seemed to find this very funny.

"Is that where you're going mate? Cos you look gay"

Obviously, later on I thought of several comebacks to this. But the best I could do at the time was to turn, walk away and mutter under my breath "That's cos I am, you stupid little twat"

I dunno — it really pissed me off. Not that I got called gay (which I'm not, obviously, what with me having a girlfriend and all — bi maybe, but anyway, that's irrelevant), that didn't bother me at all. It was the snarling way that he said it. And the realisation that if I can't walk to the shops dressed as a boy and not get grief, what chance do I ever have of being able to be in a public situation — one not under the protective banner of Gay Village — and be able to hold my head up in a dress?

I mean, to follow on from my previous rantings, it's not like I'd want to walk to the shops in a ballgown — it's just that that little episode reminded me that even though so much ground has been made in the fight against homophobia, there are still little muppets wandering around who think it's big and clever and acceptible to laugh at gay people, let alone transvestites.

See, I was going to follow up my previous rantage with some kind of action-plan. Maybe a 'call-to-arms' where we all go out and stand up for ourselves and be big and brave and start drawing lines in sand and stuff.

But, and this really shames me to admit it, I'm scared. I can't even handle myself wittily and proactively when given grief about something totally unrelated to my clothing.

I'm not annoyed with those kids — I doubt they've ever had anyone talk to them properly about homophobia, and they just lash out verbally at things they don't understand. I'm annoyed with myself for feeling afraid to walk back home the same way. ...

This week (and next week too) I'm working full-time at the printers. It's a bit wierd to be getting up early on a Monday morning to be honest, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. Actually, these next couple of weeks are pretty busy — working this week, up to Scotland at the weekend, working next week, and then my parents are coming to visit the weekend after.

That means I have to de-princess the house They don't know — and to be frank, I've no intention of telling them. Ever. What would be the point?

...

Don't you just hate websites that are really hard to navigate? I'm trying, just at the moment, to find information all about buying a motorbike and clothing and helmets and stuff — but can I find anything useful? Nope

I'm turning into a bit of a motorbike-bore at the moment. While we were away this weekend, there were tons and tons of bikes out on the roads, and my Mental Image Generator kicked in — I could so easily picture the pair of us scooting off into the sunset on a fab bike. I did my CBT last year, so all I have to do is pop out and buy a 125 and get some practice in before I take my test.

All well in theory, but I don't want to start having pipe-dreams until I know a little bit more about what I'm getting myself into.

I mean, I don't even know what type of bike would be best. I kinda like these two:

...and I think I can pick one of them up for less than a couple of grand — but then I need all sorts of stuff like clothing...

Maybe I should just go out and buy a book eh?

Oh, and BTW — if you're wondering just why I would want to ride a bike, well, come on — Trannie On A Motorbike ... how fab would that be ?

ET writes:

Once the kids realize that the babes wont like them if they are homophobic, they'll stop with the comments and attitude.... Trannie on a bike. Cool.

Well, yeah, but there were some girls with them — actually, I think it was because I smiled at them (in a kinda "Hello, we're both on a path — like ramblers" way, she adds quickly cos Kath is reading over her shoulder) that the boys felt threatened.

Children: They really have a lot to learn about life...

Geena writes:

Trannie Wheels! (pun intended)