Tuesday, 19th October, 2004

Showing my face in public

Recently, a few people have been dropping hints in my direction along the lines of "are you going Full Time?" I guess it's got something to do with me letting my girlie-side creeep into my normal, everyday appearance. But honestly, I'm not.

It got me thinking this morning though (on my way to work, which I shall have a much-due rant about in a minute) all about what it is I do when I dress up like a woman — or at least, why do I not want to do it all the time.

There are two main times that looking as much like a woman as I can is important to me — when I'm out, and when I'm taking photographs. Actually, you could probably lump those two together into a "when I'm showing my face in public" category — but let's not eh?)

What's really important for me (and I've said this before in my Big Rant™) is to achieve a state of transformation — to appear as something I'm not. In those circumstances then, when I'm in public, what's important to me is for people to look at me anf think "wow — that guy made himself look like a lady", not "eyup — that's a lady over there"

It's a performance I think — one that only works (for me anyway) when I've got something to change from. I don't think I'd really enjoy being a girl all the time — I'd probably have to go out dressed as a boy...

...

Having said that though, yes, I am being a bit more 'feminine' in my normal self. Quite a few people have commented on my hair — some good, some bad — some who know about Siobhan, some who don't. The thing is though, no-one has yet accused me of looking like a girl when I'm being Boy. Maybe if my hair gets longer — maybe not.

(I am of course kidding myself a little here in thinking that if I only had long hair, I'd look like a girl )

I don't think though, that if you took a look at me in the street, your first reaction would be "Hey — that's a transveestite!"

...

So, today. Well, it's been a little odd. I've been in a bad mood for most of it, but that's beside the point. THe main thing today has been an utter state of business.

It started this morning — I dragged myself out of bed at 6am (that was very very hard) and left for Leeds. Problem was though, that for some reason, today appeared to be Drive At Half The Speed Limit Day — and no-one had told me. I swear, there was a truck doing 20mph in a 60 limit...

And every time that whatever was holding me up infront turned off, just two minutes up the road something else would pull out infront of me and I'd grind to a halt again Don't these people realise that those are my roads?!

The business of today happened at work (not the road — I don't count 20mph as "busy") — there's been quite a few things that I've been involved with over there, that all seemed to come to a head today. It's all too hard to explain, but by the end of the day, I'd placed an order for 6 new PowerBooks, and am about to take control of the entire department websites mwah ha har

The drive home wasn't much better (30mph! In a 70 limit! ), but I didn't really mind — I was just glad to be going home. This is the second week I've done this — come home on a Tuesday then go back in the next morning — but I wasn't feeling great. True, I'd managed to shift myself up from web-monkey to project manager, but I was still in a bad mood, and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be sociable.

All I've done then, since I got home, is make myself some tea. Now, that doesn't, on first looking, seem too much out-of-the-ordinary ... but I never do this, cook something nice for myself then sit down and eat it. I usually just shove something in the oven, or the microwave, or go buy chips — but tonight I did garlic prawns with chillis in a cream sauce and spaghetti.

Yum

...

Oh, and just one more thing — I really don't know what's come over me recently I'm convince I'm getting to the point of obsession over that Top 100 UK T*Girls list. I seem to be at number 7 as I type — which is poo. Can I make a request that everyone clicks that link and votes for me, then goes to Becky EnVérité's Website, votes for her, then goes to Joanna's Diary and does the same?

I just think our sites should be the top three that's all

...

Do you like what I did there BTW? I started to whinge about my obsession with where I'm placed in that list — and managed to turn it around into a beg for more votes, absolutely seamlessly Shamefull, I know...

Kylie writes:

OK I voted for you from all three PC's I have access to .. is that enough.???