Saturday, 23rd October, 2004

Back to normal

Kath said something to me the other night which has really made me reassess something. It wasn't something that I hadn't thought about before, but the way she put has been playing on my mind:

"Are you writing this diary for yourself or for Google?"

She's right (of course — go look 'Kath' up in the Trannisaurus) and I think maybe more than that. I've been kinda losing the plot recently. What with the ads, and that Top 100 thing — I've been a bit obsessed with stuff that I didn't used to care about.

I was even thinking this evening about going for amihotornot.com — something I've always been dead against...

I think I've been a bit attention seeking recently. A bit 'me me me!'

So, with that in mind, I'm going to stop dropping obvious references to stuff that I want adverts to appear to, and be myself a little bit more...

...

Old people's baths — what's up with those?! I was sat there in the bath a couple of minutes ago right... Oh, I should explain something straight off here — I have a wierd bath. It's about 2 foot square, and 4 foot deep. I think it's French — or a bit continental at the very least. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with this house the moment I saw it, but that's all besides the point.

Yeah, I was sat in the bath, and it wasn't quite filled yet, so I was putting more water in it. Now, I know this isn't the case with most baths in the States, but I have a hot water tap, and a cold water tap — so to fill the bath at just the right temperature I have to have both on. But when you're sat in the bath, on leg gets very cold, and the other gets far too hot.

Which got me thinking, these baths that old people have — the ones you see on the telly with a guy in swimming trunks washing his back with a brush and grinning demonically at the camera — they've got doors that you open so that you can get in and out easily.

Well, presumably you have to get in before you fill it — otherwise when you open the door all the water will rush out. And afterwards, you've got to sit there and wait for all the water to drain away, otherwise the same thing will happen.

That's got to be really poo hasn't it?! I mean, first of all, you're sat there with one half of you freezing and the other half scalding — and then, when you've finished you'ce got to sit there shivering while you wait for the water to go.

Who thought that would be a good idea?!

Probably some smart-arsed designer who doesn't have to have a long-term carer help him in and out of the bath, that's who.

I dunno, when I'm old and can't get in and out of the bath properly, I want some young volunteer to come round and give me a sponge bath. Isn't that part of the fun of getting old?

...

Like I said yesterday, Kath and I went to see Jeremy Hardy last night. He was very funny Not exactly side-splittingly funny so that you hurt with laughter, but wonderful left-wing Radio 4 rantingly funny. I left feeling all vindicated and smug that I read The Guardian.

...

Strange moment this afternoon while I was in town. I've run out of black eyeliner which is a terrible thing as we're going to a fancy-dress party next weekend and I'm thinking of going for the total-goth-witchy look. You can't do total-goth-witchy look without black eyeliner...

Anyway, I went into the Body Shop and got myself some, and while I was doing it I felt all embarassed and awkward. I was worried that the women in there were making judgements about me.

(I have a little coping-strategy that I use in situations like these — I adopt an air of "I'm really confused" and mutter to myself in an attempt to fool people into thinking I've been sent out with a shopping list by my girlfriend and that I am definately not buying make-up for myself)

Anyway, what was strange about it was that there were a bunch of kids hanging round the museum earlier — goth kids. All made up and rebelious in that way that only privilidged-middle-class-rebelious-goth-kids can be (OMG life is so hard!)

And I was thinking, I bet they don't get embarassed when they buy black eyeliner — I bet actually they revel in the sheer alternativity of the whole deal — "Hey look at me! I'm outrageous and rebellious because I'm buying black eyeliner!"

Nope, that rant is going nowhere It was just a thought I had.

...

I also bought some new foundation because I'd run out of that too. If I was the brave, out, radical trannie that I aspire to be then I would have walked up to the counter in Boots and demanded that they help me choose the right shade. But because I'm not, because I am in fact a cowardly little yellow-belly whose militancy is all made up in her head, I just grabbed a shade that looked a bit like skin-colour, paid, then ran.

Yeah, I'm crap — I know

Not Sure Why Guy writes:

Bit off topic. Just wanted to thank you for the comments, and all.....but I come away mortified....you read "the Guardian"? Ugh. CDing* makes the most strange bedfellows. Alas, I'll still enjoy your site. Regards. (*insert title after asterix. community to multivaried for just one title; comments are not)

K writes:

WHAT is wrong with the Guardian???

Not Sure Why Guy writes:

Um. I can't resist .

Everything.