Saturday, 15th January, 2005

Loooking Daft Without Boobs

[edit] For some reason, this page seems to have got itself stuck at the top of the msn.com search results for "boobs" So to satisfy everyone who comes here from that route, here is a picture of my tits.

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A couple of people (Kath included) have been wondering whether what I was saying the other day about wishing I had breasts, means I'm actually considering hormones/surgery.

Hormones, definately not. There's a certain part of my anatomy that I'm very happy with and I don't particularly want to lose any functionality down there thankyouverymuch

Surgery, again, nope. Too major an adjustment to life there Yeah, it would be nice — but I'm not willing to (a) never visit my parents again, and (b) never visit the swimming pool either.

What I would like to be able to do though, is wear my falsies whenever I felt like it. Like I said, they look kinda good I suppose what I'd really really like though is some way to adhere them to my chest properly (which I'm very reluctant to do after the "Wake-up-stuck-to-my-nightie" episode) and, most importantly, blend the edges of them so you can't see that they're not real

Has anyone ever done that? Successfully?

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The thing is, you see, despite any sexual reasons for crossdressing, I've been concentrating over the past couple of years at not necessarily looking exactly like a woman — I kinda think that all us trannies are faced with a losing battle if we try and do that — but rather trying to be able to wear women's clothes, without looking hideous

Some of the pictures of me from years ago look pretty scary

See, it used to be that while I was getting myself made up, I didn't really like looking in the mirror until I'd put my wig on. (Obviously, I did look in the mirror — eyeliner is hard to do at the best of times — I just wasn't comfortable with what I saw) The wig was the moment when I became someone else, the thing that compensasted for any male give-aways, and even if I looked daft, it was OK 'cos it was someone else looking daft.

(Does that make sense? Nah, didn't think so)

OK, for example: I've found that if I wear a skirt with no hip padding, or a blouse with no boobs, then it looks silly. The clothes weren't designed to suit a male figure — but the minute I shove foam down my panties, or silicon in my bra, suddenly it looks less awkward. And it doesn't really matter what my face is doing.

I'll come back to this later — I've got myself all confused now

Oops, sorry Lost that one — fixed it now Note to self: Beta-test things properly sigh

Hmm. "Uncomfortable" is not a reaction I'm used to, to be honest. I suppose, that up until very recently, my traffic has tended to come from origins that themselves are of a transgendered nature. So my visitors are pretty much expecting to see a bloke in a dress. But now that I've been a little bit more active in spreading out from that community, inviting other people in, I guess I should expect more reactions like that

(BTW MW, I'm loving the story you're half-way through writing right now )

I don't think it's really taken me any courage to write about all this — I've been doing it now for three years and not ever really thought about it — what has taken quite a bit of deliberating is whether or not to branch out of my safe, little, cosy, supportive TG family.

I signed up to one of those "Free Traffic!" thingumies, you see. And I find it a little amusing to watch the visiting habits of all the people who while trying to earn some credits, suddenly have the word "crossdressing" flashed infront of their screen. I picture, in my head, someone sat at their computer, desperately trying to decide if the half-a-credit (or whatever) is worth it to stare for 30 seconds at something they might find a little challenging, or offensive.

(like what I do when confronted by a right-wing blog)

Thanks for the comment MW, I always like it when people say things that make me think a little

Escapism (she exclaimed)

Did anyone else know that it's nigh-on impossible to include an exclamation mark in a Regular Expression?

Possibly, I'm completely mistaken on this — I'm new to the things after all — but it took me ages this after noon to work out that it was an exclamation mark that was screwing up my comments.

I tried loads of things — escaping the bastard, search-and-replacing it with other things. I'm not sure why, but eventually I got it to work by kludging a str_replace and changing it to !

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Anyway, enough of all that — just because I'm doing a major code rewrite, I doubt anyone really wants to hear about it

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Last night, Kath and I watched through a couple of programmes that I'd recorded recently — in particular, two episodes of Mind Games from BBC FOUR

Now, maybe the pair of us are irrecoverably sad, but we both seem to like logic puzzles, and one of the games involved a puzzle that I came across last year while I was staying with Ali in Leeds.

Basically, it's this:

OK, so I'm on telly right? Yours truly has managed to land a spot on some glitzy game show, hosted by Bruce Forsyth, and I've managed to get past all the other contestants and into the final.

Brucey shows me three boxes — A, B and C, and he tells me that in one is the hugest dress you've ever seen (they're big boxes ), but behind the other two is a voucher for a makeover at Transformation.

Obviously, the last thing I want to win is a makeover there, but anyway...

So, I pick box B The audience goes wild, everyone is happy — except me who is nervous. Then Brucey (who knows what's in the boxes) opens box A, inside which is one of the vouchers.

Then comes the crunch. "D' d' d' do you want to change your mind?" he asks.

Oh — it's a "Is that your final answer" moment. The sweat is pouring down my back — my nerves are shot. What should I do?

And that's my question: Do I stick with box B? Should I change my mind and choose box C? Or does it not make a scrap of difference to the odds of where the dress is whichever box I choose?

Bye bye Sky+

I just cancelled my Sky+ subscription — the thing that lets me record, pause, and rewind telly. I've been talking about it for ages, but I finally did it.

I loved the feature — but £10 a month is just too much to spend for a luxury when you're only working part-time.

I also cut down my channels to just the basic ones, but — joy oh joy — that still includes Discovery Home & Leisure, so I can still watch Norm making things out of wood in the afternoons

Oh, and since they've already charged me for this month, I get a refund — which means I get February and part of March for free

I should have done this earlier

aw Thankyou Mr Zog

I know — it's a lot harder to explain. I usually try and explainn it by saying you should concentrate on the odds of not picking the dress. At the start, the one you pick will be wrong two times out of three. But after he opens one box, the other box is now...

Ack. The way they explained it on the program is that you should imagine a million boxes. Your first choice is bound to be wrong — but after Brucey opens 999,998 empty boxes, it's very likely that the other unopened box has the dress in it.

It's all about the information of him opening the other box(es) — that changes the odds

Note to self: Don't try explaining big statistical puzzles before you've had coffee in a morning. You're the artist of the family, your brother is the statistician.

Lovely. Thanks for sharing. Now, care to propose exactly how that would work? Should I post them to you?

(I know, I know — don't feed the trolls)