Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
Anonymity Domine
That's a crap title isn't it? It only works if you're a bit of a Pink Floyd fan, and even then, it's a bit tenuous. But whatever, I was having a really hard time thinking of a title for this.
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[edit] Purely for fun, and for reasons that I'll explain at a later date, I would just like to link to Neil Turner here.
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I was thinking, last night, as Kath and I were out for a drink ... actually, I was thinking a lot of things: how students these days are crap; how young people today are crap; how I'm about to hit my mid-thirties so am quite qualified to use words like "young people today" thankyouverymuch ... ahem I was thinking, how crap anonymity is.
I'm not quite sure what's kicked this off in my head — but I think quite a few things have pushed me in that direction.
Firstly, I was looking through the Bloggie nominees, and I was thinking, well, pretty much all of them are named — you know the name of the person who does them: Hick's Journal, is by Jon Hicks; plasticbag.org is Tom Coates... you get my drift.
My one, is by me. Siobhan Curran. But that's not my name.
Anyone with the intelectual clout to do a quick whois, could tell you that my real name is Graham, but apart from that, it's pretty much anonymous.
Secondly, I was looking through everyone's Flickr photostreams, and I noticed that they were all filled with people out having fun, partying, pictures of their mates and stuff. And whilst admittedly, I've only got round to putting about 10 pictures up there, most of which are of my cats (or their prey), I'd still like to be able to put photographs of my life there.
In a rash move earlier, you see, I took all of the photographs I have, and flinged them at iPhoto. It was about 5000 in total.
OK, so a lot of them were extended photoshoots of me posing as a girl, the bad ones from which are never going to see the light of day outside of my hard disk ... but there were a lot of them that were of friends, and of places, and of times when I've had fun. And I would love to share them.
But.
Well, maybe I'm just being crap. Maybe the world doesn't give two shits whether I'm a transvestite or not. Maybe I should just be absolutely upfront about who I am.
But I don't think things are quite like that yet are they?
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In a radical move, earlier, I was doing a quick search on Google News for transvestites. I was looking for something specific, if you must know 
, but it struck me that the word "transvestite" in a news story is still a source of ridicule...
Rod Stewart Slips Between The Sheets With A Transvestite December 26, 2004, 11:11:19
Rod Stewart Reveals He Almost Bedded A Transvestite
Rod Stewart has told in an interview how he once spent the night with a transvestite.
Yes, we get the idea 
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The interview with Q magazine, tells how his mates set him up whilst in Australia.
Revealling how they were all in a bar and there was this gorgeous bird, on her own Rod, 59, wondered why no guys were near her later he was to find out they had set him up.
In his words when he took her back to his hotel, put my hand down there "the old meat and two veg" was in evidence.
(http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/entertainment/19722004.htm)
Would you just, for a second, look at the language in that? (Ignoring the "gorgeous bird" bit, which is a whole other rant ... one that Kath's probably able to do a lot better than me)
they had set him up. [...] "the old meat and two veg" was in evidence.
Good grief Rod! Your masculinity! Under threat! From a jolly good jape by your mates! Whoopie-fucking-doo! Oh how they all must have laughed!
Wankers. Quite frankly. Absolute wankers. And shitty journalism too. The fuckers.
It's what really pisses me off about the way that trannies end up being represented in populist media. We're a joke. We're a source of amusement. We're the butt of some kind of humour that boosts the pathetic, inadequate egoes of a bunch of men, so sad, that they have to resort to the exploitation of an individual to make them feel better, and the lame excuses of a man who feels somehow that he has to try and excuse himself for mistaking a man for a women — as if that's some kind of attack on his masculinity.
Wanker.
Next thing you know, they'll be doing it as a Reality TV show on Sky. That'd be an idea...
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Sorry. I'm ranting — it just really pisses me off. I hate that the lazy journalism, and homophobic patheticness of some people can have an impact on a group of people — regarless of whether I'm a member of that group or not (OK, so in this case, I am)
It's just that I can't share things I'd love to share. I'd love to be open and honest about my life, and the things that happen in it — but I can't.
I'd love to show some photographs of the night that we went out for Kath's birthday — because we all had a really good time — but I can't.
I'd love to talk about specific things about the work I'm doing at the moment, but I can't because enough trannies (let alone bloggers) have lost their jobs because of things like that.
Whatever I say here, online, is always shrouded in some kind of anonymous soup. Because if the guys up the road from me find out that the guy who looks a bit gay down the road from them happens to spend a lot of time dressed as a woman, they'd kick seven shades of shit out of me.
And it's because of articles like that — articles that are "a bit of fun" that prey on transvestites as being a group of people, unable to stand up for themselves, because we're all far too ashamed to stand up against this tide of pathetic ridicule.
Well, fuck'em. Quite frankly. Personally, I'm sick of being the punchline.
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How many homophobic men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Oh God! Was that a lightbulb?! I thought it was a socket! I think I touched it! I'm going to be sick!
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(Earth to Siobhan — don't try to make up jokes 
)
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Sorry, a malformed, ranty post tonight. I don't normally like leaving things open like this — I like to come to some kind of a conclusion. But in this case, I don't think I can. There are far too many logical flaws in what I feel about this — feel free to pick holes in them.
Oh, and the thing I was actually looking for on Google BTW, was, apparently, a very funny story that I need to corroborate with one of my colleagues in the morning before I even being to tell it.
(And I know I spelt "plasticbag.org" wrong — I'll fix it in the morning)
Rachel
siobhan, feel better now? lol i know you know that if anything or anybody is more that two standard deviations from the mean it or they become a target. Society does not celebrate diferences, it demands conformity. The TG community itself mirrors society as evidenced with the bickering between the cds, and the pre-ops and all the alphabet soup in between. Its a sorrow we all have to live with. We must celebrate ourslves with our friends and accept incremental changes. Society is more accepting now than it was in the 1950s.
Josephine
It's not that we're "a bit of fun". We're a threat. That's why, now they can't take the piss out of gays (everyone has a gay friend) they have to take the piss out of us.
Ultimately, though, we're a threat because anything that subverts the stereotypical idea of what it is to be male is a threat.
Aye Caramba. That's enough of a rant. Will write something more coherent in the morning 
Bexly Bex
Damm, if I didn't have to go to work this morning, I could write a whole lot more...
Blimmey, and you're only coming on 35.
Coming on 33 actually I'm not past it, yet...
Its a sorrow we all have to live with. We must celebrate ourslves with our friends and accept incremental changes. Society is more accepting now than it was in the 1950s.
Yeah, but that's no reason to get conplacent and stop our campaigning — I just wish I had the nerve...
That's why, now they can't take the piss out of gays (everyone has a gay friend)
I doubt the Gay Community would agree — homophobia is still a massive problem, even in the media, and in particular advertising. Müller Light anyone?
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Also, if I had more time, I'm sure I could do a little rant about not getting any karma points for sorting out a mirror of the Bloggies (still bloody down — I had one referrer last night at 8pm, and that was it 
)
Maybe, when letting The Guardian know that I'd done it, I should have made a bit more of a plug that I was a nominee too?
...
Ack. Sod it. I'd better go to Leeds
It's kind f ironic that we are seen as a joke, and yet the media dont seam to make jokes about Ediie Izzard being a trannie (Unless I missed something in the media). I think we are seen as a joke AND a threat too. Hell most people find it hystericalwhen I say that I'm a trannie at first, then they relaise I really mean it and then somthing strange happens. Although my core group of mates are all chilled and wonderfull people (and non of them laughed), they are all the odd bit of society that actually THINK. When other people find out the laugh, one or two may make a joke, but one by one, in private, they start asking loads of question. Ultinatly we're also facinating. I remeber back when I was a kid my parrents bought "News of the World" (sorry but I come from a background of proles). Every week it seamed like they had a story about transexuals. Every week everyone would say hmm odd, and skip the page, refusing to seem intreasted in it. Every week I spotted everyone reading it in private.
beth
WOW! How many times does the word "crap" appear in this one!
I got it! A new verse for the "Spam" song: "Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap"
Geena
I doubt the Gay Community would agree — homophobia
is still a massive problem, even in the media, and in particular advertising. Müller Light anyone?
Yes, but compare and contrast the level of acceptance in the media for gay men (lesbians don't get the same level, alas). Not only are there gay characters in half the shows on TV, there's even shows like Queer Eye, which virtually idolise gay men (and the fact that I am in love with Ted is in no way connected ).
Trannies, on the other hand, get... "There's something about Miriam", where the entire point is what a deceptive bunch of gits we are. Or Hailey out of Corrie, who's post-op and therefore is allowed to be a "real" woman. And, of course, the divine Eddie, who's allowed to be a tranny because he's a comedian — because being a tranny is "funny".
(That's not a criticism of Eddie, of course — he's just being who he is. But if a "straight" actor came out, I suspect his roles would dry up — whereas, after coming out, Eddie's had bigger and better gigs.)
Whereas a gay teenager has a hundred role models on TV (forgive the pun), a tranny teenager really has to go to the Internet for positive role models — again, even finding role models be something he has to do furtively, secretly, in his bedroom.
I want a "Tranny Eye for the Straight Guy", and I want it now!
There have, however, been a slew of shows about gender swapping — but mostly in the context of fooling people, and especially men. It's like there's a media obsession with trannies being deceitful liars, out to "fool" unsuspecting straight men into fucking them... oh wait, that brings us back to Rod, doesn't it?
"It's like there's a media obsession with trannies being deceitful liars, out to "fool" unsuspecting straight men into fucking them... oh wait, that brings us back to Rod, doesn't it?"
Well said. no any ideas on how to stop it?
beth
Well, I kinda think that there's two main things: firstly, the need to portray transvestism/transgenderism in a more realistic light — not that certain aspects of what's already presented isn't true, so of us do use it to trick straight men, but what's needing to be stressed, I think, is that you can't generalise us all into one big lump of a category.
And secondly, transvestism needs to be recognised as an end in itself — not just a step on the road to transsexualism, not as a ploy to try and achieve something that can't be achieved dressed in your normal clothes. It needs to be celebrated, not ridiculed.
I guess the only way for anything like that to happen, is if more of us start making noises, start standing up for ourselves.
But that's bloody hard.
I want a "Tranny Eye for the Straight Guy", and I want it now!
LOL 
— but that would be terrible! What on earth could we possibly teach straight men that gay men haven't already taught them
"I guess the only way for anything like that to happen, is if more of us start making noises, start standing up for ourselves.
But that's bloody hard."
that's just it isn't it. we need to look into what protection there is for trannies. There is a danger I suppose in showing ALL facets of tranniesm though. Soon we'll here people saying "I don't mind the ones who do it for a laugh, but the ones who pass but arent trying to get men or be transexuals are creepy".
Yes we need to show there's more to being a trannie than making a fool of Ros Stewart (but not quite as much a fool as his tailor makes him look), but in doing soo we'd need to be aware of the risk of fragmenting us in people's minds
Beth
we're all far too ashamed to stand up against this tide of pathetic ridicule.
Ridicule I can handle; it's the other stuff that scares me. The effect my being out would have on my partner (who knows about and doesn't have a major problem with my CDing, but she isn't ready to see it or embrace it just yet) or the way others perceive her; the potential loss of work (I'm a free agent, and most of my work comes from networking; it's based on "friendships" that are already very fragile and easily broken); the likelihood of every single thing I do in my professional or personal life being prefixed or suffixed with "transvestite" when that's completely irrelevant; the worry that people who know me will all of a sudden feel uncomfortable near me and/or avoid me altogether, and of course, the fear of getting a kicking. For as long as the general public assume trannies are all sick perverts, there are very real risks for anyone who puts their head above the parapet, no matter how good-looking, normal or well-adjusted that head might be
Kelly
What on earth could we possibly teach straight men that
gay men haven't already taught them
How hot you can look in a skirt?
Bexly Bex
Well Kelly, the situation is really similar to how it used to be for gay men. Only when enough of us put our heads above the parapet will they stop attacking us. Of course, kids and idiots are still going to say stuff — just as kids and idiots still use "gay" as an insult — but what matters is whether it's acceptable to be prejudiced against us for what we are. And we're really only going to change that by challenging it.
Right, off back in to me closet
Bexly Bex
LOL.
I agree, but I think I need to find a place where my partner and I can be comfortable with all this before I'm ready to take on the rest of the world.
On a tangent: the Stonewall riots, which are widely regarded as a watershed in the gay rights movement, were sparked off when the cops arrested a bunch of trannies ("Two barmen, three drag queens and a lesbian", if we're being precise here, although that phrase does sound like the beginning of a joke rather than a mass movement...). I didn't know that until a few days ago.
Kelly
What time does this trani get to Cleveland?
ernesto
Moving on... (for now)
Dear God! Look at my car!
There's a mirror of the Bloggies site at http://www.flirble.org/bloggies/
You can't vote on it but you can at least have a look at the opposition
Good luck, btw.
Looby, I know there's a mirror there — it was me that put it there...
Yesterday afternoon, I was talking to someone who was lamenting that the site was down, so I said "Hey, I saved a copy last night" and put it on my server. He then shared it with a few people, and the guy who runs flirble.org got in touch and asked me if I wanted him to mirror it for me. Since my site was taking quite a bit of a hit at the time, I said yes...
I missed a trick there, didn't I?
I'm sure I could have used that...
Following the 'moving on' theme, just want to reverse abit (avoids temptation to indulge in lame jokes about being careful not to prang it/car)... Anonymity. Haven't we been hearing a lot about celebrating 'diversity', and how it should be encouraged, and isn't this coming from govt.? But what is their measure of diverse, and can anyone be too diverse? BTW, there was some stuff on some govt. website about women's rights at work, with a PDF for employers on how to treat transexuals in the work place, coz, bugger me, they've got rights too, now. Mind you, no mention of the humble trannie. Oh, found that URL: http://www.womenandequalityunit.gov.uk /publications/genderreassignmentguide05.pdf Of course, commenting on Beth's remarks, is it any wonder we're portrayed as lying bastards in the media when it's the very same media's attitude that contributes to our reticence about 'coming out' to the world. I'm freelance, and although I've got to the stage where I care a lot less about what people think of me I still have practical issues to contend with like will I lose all my client if/when they get to know I'm a trannie? I really don't want to take that risk. Then there's the children, no way do I want to risk them being bullied by their peers because of my lifestyle (I was going to put 'lifestyle choices', but that would be stupid wouldn't it?). So, quite frankly, not wanting to pass the buck 'n all that, it's societies intolerance that has caused all these issues, and it's a combination of our real fears for the consequences, and pleasing/caring for our families/partners that mean we are having to put up with this "anomyity crap". While this issue is being worked out, very slowly, I think we should all get on with our business as usual — at least I don't have to make excuses to my wife when I want to go out, coz we're both in on the deciet game when it comes to keeping from the children — yeah, it is crap isn't it!
Rachel
09:32 27/01/05 — Just managed to vote for you on the 2005.bloggies.com website. So get in there you lot and vote for Siobhan (oh, and the othere, if you really want to!). You can pay me later Siobhan.
Rachel
Blimmey, and you're only coming on 35. Well, wait 'til you're my age... what'll you be like then? You got me thinking about the, "I'm pissed off with all this hiding away" crap. Did a bit of it in my diary a month or two ago. I mean, here we are with one life to live and we have to hide a part of ourselves that we can really enjoy so others can feel more comfortable. Well, f*ck me if I get a bit upset about it too. Doesn't it just piss you off. Don't care about your bloody reasoning not being on top form, coz every other bugger can say how they feel — society even say we should be honest about our feelings and not be hypocrites and then the first trannie that sticks his head above the parapet gets shot down in shower of deranged shrieks from a bunch of severe testosterone laden lads, burks, prats... bloody hell, better shut up and go home. Christ sake, don't apologise siobhan, please can we have some more of that! Better shut up now, bye (no, I'm really going)/