Thursday, 17th February, 2005

Build Your Own Spitfire!

tranny rant

Hmm...

la la lah

I should, perhaps, point out a couple of things at this point. (1) I'm not ever usually right about things, and I welcome correction — even if it's just my spelling. I tend to write in such a way that my fingers get a bit befuddled and hit the wrong keys...

(2) I'm in a ranty frame of mind. I've been building myself up to this for about a week now, and even though I'm slightly disappointed with the thought that I might actually agree with a lot of what Claire said (for reasons I hope become apparent), I kinda feel the need to let off a bit of steam.

Plus, I drove 70 miles tonight to rant about this, so I'm feeling like I have at least a little corner of a valid soapbox...

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Two things to start with then:

(1) I've always had a problem with Grayson Perry. It's not that I didn't squirm when that Turner Prize was announced — I just think I squirmed for different reasons that all the other transvestites across the country.

I know, there was a great surge of "Oh. My. God. Do we want him representing us? In that dress?". But quite frankly, I was thinking "Claire, you bitch — I wanted to be the first trannie artist"

(2) I don't think that really, anyone cares "Why Men Wear Frocks" — and I don't think that's the real issue. What I think is important is what happens when Men Wear Frocks — but I'll come back to that at some nondescript point in the future...

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I liked it. Really Honestly

Kath, as it happens, thought it was great — and I'm inclined to agree with her. The thing is though, whilst everything was all fine and dandy, I find myself commenting on it from a very specific point of view.

Perhaps (and I think, actually not "perhaps" — more "definately") I wasn't the target audience.

I'm trying to picture the target audience, and I'm guessing that it wasn't "men who are trannies". So you must excuse me, if I seem to obsess a little about how it appears from the point of view of a man who is a trannie.

But then again, could I write from any different point of view?

...

I was hoping for a something different to be honest with yous. I was hoping that a documentary by Grayson Perry was going to stir things up a little bit — but I found myself watching the same old arguments that have been floating round the Tranniesphere for God knows how long now:

All Transvestites are not Gay

I hate this, I really do, for two reasons — one, because it's awful English — the actual phrase is "not all transvestites are gay". But secondly, because it's utter bollocks.

The thing is, it's all very well to point out that being a transvestite doesn't have an immediate, pre-determined influence on your sexuality — but there has to be some way of explaining that without upsetting a whole bunch of people surely?

When Claire was talking to those kids, one thing really struck me — he was justifying himself to them on the basis that he wasn't gay, that he had a wife and a kid. Now, fair enough, Grayson isn't gay — but did he have to justify himself like that? What if he was gay? What then?

A Collective Noun of Trannies

I'm sorry, I had to giggle. I know that there's something intrisically funny about transvestites — something about the way we delude ourselves that we remotely look like women — but there's something even more chuckle-worthy of a group of transvestites walking down a street. I'm probably going to piss of the entire Roses community here, but I must point out that, in my defence, I've been to trannie events — places where we all go and spend a whole week, dressed as women, doing mainstream things like shopping and going to restaurants — and nothing makes me cringe with shame more than seeing a group of us walking down a street, like some kind of shepherd-herded mass of self-delusion. It's not enfemme, it's enmasse.

I find it funny because it's no longer a subversive act — it's no longer something daring and special — it's a pathetic group delusion, and let's face it, there's nothing going to give the 'game' away more than putting two trannies side by side, let alone fifty.

Sorry, that's probably unfair of me — I just worry that we give people every opportunity to laugh at us, rather than making a stand.

"Doing the Girlie Thing"

There's a certain ettiquette within the Tranniesphere — an established way we talk to and about each other. I, for example, prefer to be referred to as "she" when people are quoting me ... but how that translates to the outside world is a different story...

Take my FLickr photos for example. I found it a bit strange today, when I had a peek at my own work — in a not-logged-in kinda way — to see the words "Siobhan's photostream. View by his tags".

In my head, Siobhan is a woman. But that's to do with online representations — not to do with gender. It's about a character that I've created, rather than any true expression of self.

But in a way, I find it slightly uncomfortable to listen to a transvestite on a beach in Scarborough, talking about "girlie things". Fine, within the context of the closeted world we wrap around ourselves, then yeah — "girlie" is OK. But when that terminology comes into contact with the World Around Us, then we really need to readdress how we refer to things.

I think we lay ourselves open to so much criticism when we use language that, in the Real World, has completely different connotations to the ways that we use it when talking to each other. Like I said, I'd be offended if, within the Tranniesphere, someone referred to me as male. But at the same time, if I insisted on being called a "lady" when out and about — well, I'm just deluding myself aren't I?

Impressing each other

That was so interesting — that thing about motorcyclists. I've been trying to come up with some kind of analogy on the same lines for ages — and the only one I could ever think of was trainspotters.

One night, over in Sarah's chatroom, one of the seldom-visiting TSes caused a lot of grief by suggesting that transvestism was a hobby. Oh boy, she got a right slapping from all of us there ... but I'm kinda thinking maybe she had a point.

True, transvestism itself isn't a hobby. It's not something you 'take up' or do because you fancy it (and we all know just how much it irritates me when blokes dress up as women for reasons other than transvestism...), but the execution of the trannie-journey seems to me to have a lot of similarities with a multitude of hobbies.

There's almost a formula that everyone is encouraged to do — a rite of passage if you like...

(1) Wear panties and a bra (2) Take pictures of yourself in said underwear (3) Get yourself made up and have your picture taken (4) Go out dressed (5) Go shopping dressed (6) Build a website (7) Get at least 8 out of 10 on hotornot.com (8) Go to an event (9) Pass

Oh, it bugs me beyond belief. But is it not really interesting how stereotypically male that is? Is it not really revealing how undeniably formulaic and logical the whole procedure is?

We don't wear womens' clothing because it's a hobby — but the way we wear them becomes a hobby.

Each of these things becomes some kind of train to tick off in your Observer Book of Transvestism. The whole trannie experience becomes a checklist — and that's why I find it so hard to relate to those of us who insist that they're following some kind of exploration of their gender. Maybe we are — but all we're doing is asserting our traditional, stereotypical male attributes by approaching the whole process from a cliched male point of view.

And don't get me started of the sheer misogynistic viewpoint that a women can be defined as a man without a penis...

...

BTW. Hey Charlotte. Well done darling. You really put your case across. pfft

...

The thing is though, what I find interesting within our community, is the driving force behind the ways we express ourselves. It appears to me, that the reasons we do a lot of the things that we do, is that we can gain some kind of kudos points from ourselves — we're a kind of self-vetting subsection of soceity.

We do the things we do because they're expected of us, by our peers. We're like a model railway club — or indeed, a motorcycle club.

"You can want to do a lot of things"

Those kids that Grayson was talking to, they were really quite thought provoking. On the one hand, they were trying to convince him (and us I guess) that they were in some way 'enlightened' about what "being a man" meant these days. But at the same time, they were regurgitating a lot of sexist nonsense. The idea that it's not OK for a man to cry? Ack, come on — that's so pre-90s.

I have a queation though, and it's linked to what those kids were saying: "What gives us the right?"

I mean, a lot of people find all sorts of things enjoyable. Some people seem to find it 'comfortable' to retreat into a world of xenophobic ecstasy and lash out at every assylum-seeker that comes off the ships in Dover. Some people find it comfortable to beat their wives. So just saying that we find it comfortable to wear women's clothing to me, anyway, seems like a pretty lame argument.

What gives us the right to do what we do?

Frankly, nothing.

Nothing gives us an intrinsic right to waltz round our environments, pretending to be women. Nothing, at least until we've done some research into what effect that might have on the people around us.

There was a lot of talk in the documentary about how, in some ways, men are the victims of sexism in out culture ... and quite frankly, pish.

Utter pish.

This is what really pisses me off about transvestites. We pass ourselves off as the victims in all of this. Granted, we do get the odd, occasional remark off some naive 14-year-old girls, but honestly? Are we really victims?

Let's consider, for a moment, the position we hold in society...

Now, the last time I checked, we were living in a patriarchal system, where men pretty much rules the roost. (I know, some men in ludicrous fancy-dress super-hero outfits might disagree with me here, but quite frankly, if someone wants me to take them seriously, then he should stop dressing like Batman and start spending more time with his children...)

And since it's men that kinda call the shots, then wouldn't it be great if somehow transvestites could have some kind of influence on these men?..

Oh, wait.

Guys, just stop it OK? Stop whingeing about how it's so bad because sexism says we can't wear women's clothes. It's us that causes the sexism in the first place — we're men for God's sake. If we want to be taken seriously when we wear women's clothing, then maybe, just maybe we should treat women with the respect that they deserve, instead of flaunting a deeply misogynistic view of what women are, based on some kind of catalogue from the 1950s?

I had another thought on this thread earlier, before I watched the documentary. I was wondering, what would happen if I got some boot polish, smeared it all over my face, and walked down the street pretending to be Black.

I've yet to hear an argument that convinces me that what we do is any less offensive.

Redundant Transvestism

I dunno Claire — I don't think it's just about Androgyny. I think (and I think — really, honestly — you'd agree with me here) that there's more to transvestism that just blurring gender boundaries — at least in terms of doing it for effect. I think that we're a group of people that have a gift — and we're not just a bunch of men in frocks. I think that if androgyny becomes the norm then there'll still be transvestites — but they'll wear men's clothes.

The reasons we do it are becuase we're not allowed to — and the minute we can, if indeed androgyny becomes the norm — we'll find some other way to rebel.

I've said it before (maybe not out loud though) that if it was the norm for women to drive six-inch nails through their eyeballs and for men to wear frocks, we'd be constucting some kind of 'nail-driving' service, and our forums would be full of advice on where to buy the best hammers...

...

I'm sorry, I'm just very very annoyed. Not because I necessarily disagreed with what Grayson said — It's just that I think he wasted an opportunity. Fair enough, most of what he said, I already knew, and maybe it wasn't directed at me — I've read the arguments over and over again in countless internet forums — but what I think he had an opportunity to do was to present a documentary aimed at the two sides of the fence: to the general public — those people that for some reason all transvestites seem to think are misinformed and if they just could experience life from within the Tranniesphere, then it would all be OK — and to trannies themselves.

Becuase, deep down, I believe that we can't just expect the world to accept us for what we are. I truly believe that we need to give as much as we intend to take from those people around us, who haven't quite 'got' us yet.

We bleat and we moan about how hard it is for us to live with this great big 'secret' that we hold inside of us — but half of the time, we're not willing to give an inch in what we believe. We wail that "it's hard to be a man" these days, yet we give absolutely no credence to any feminist principles or even take the time to research what effect we might have on women.

We complain left right and centre about how the world perceives us, yet most of the time we don't take the time to question the way we ourselves perceive the world.

I'm sick of moaning trannies. I think, really, that we are a wonderful group of people, with the power to subvert the everday and really challenge the perceptions of the World At Large — but if we constantly waste this potential by continually navel-gazing, then maybe we do deserve to be laughed at.

Maybe we are just all Emily Howards at heart.

...

Oh yeah, I meant to explain the title ... I dunno if advertising is nationwide, but up here, up North one of the adverts in the (actually, thinking about it) sparsley populated advert breaks, was for a magazine that helped you build your own model aeroplane. And it made me think ... I think someone really did their homework about what demographic the majority of transvestites occupy. Either that, or it was the same person that launched the "TVs are just hobbyists" argument online that night ...

In what way? Wouldn't that have run the risk of being a "woo! Weirdo trannies!" thing?

In the way of not only putting forward the case for transvestism, but also asking some pretty hard questions that I feel need asking right now. At the risk of repeating myself (do I go on and on about the same things all the time BTW?), I think our community needs to have a serious debate on how we impact on the Rest of the World, before we can start demanding acceptance.

It's all very well to talk about how things should be in our post-feminist, tolerant, enlightened internet bubble, but unfortunately back in the real world...

LOL, yep — that's just my problem. I have a tendancy to live in a romanticised utopian fantasy (in my mind). So yeah, fair point

To be fair, the "fear of teh gay" thing is a big deal in male culture, and you can guarantee that every one of those kids assumed that trannie = gay = watch your back. Of course it's unfair and homophobic, but don't you think that at some level, if trannies are going to be accepted then they have to confront people's attitudes head-on?

I agree, honestly I do. I just wish there was a way that we could do it without pissing off the one group of people that we usually turn to for support. I think it's something that's consistant in a lot of the ways we express ourselves — because we've been in the closet as a community for so long, the only people we've really talked things through with is each other. Maybe we need fresh input...

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Of course, a thought did occur to me, that might make everything that I've written about the documentary redundant — I wasn't really the target audience was I?

So sorry if I seem down on it — I'm not at all (apart from one or two issues I have with certain things), I actually really enjoed watching it. I'm not quite sure why I got into such a rant about it — perhaps it was the wine, or perhaps it's just that I got all worked up about it in my head beforehand.

I do wish though, that I wasn't tied up with workshops all day today — I could really do with sitting down and having a big long thought about it, and come up with a slightly more considered response

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Regarding Claire on the skateboard, yeah, she was fab And I was pretty impressed with Grayson on the motorbike too. Damm, I want to be a biker...

LOL Actually, I'm the same — it's a rare occasion for me to scrape the forest off my face

I dunno Mike — about the TS aspect that is. I thought what Grayson was saying was pretty solid — it struck Kath and myself as ridiculous to claim that "men have a bad press" as a reason for transsexualism, courting a very tired clichéd portrayal of what "blokey" things are ... and then chiding Grayson for suggesting that agression is a "male attribute". I don't really think the subject should have come up to be honest — but I thought Charlotte really didn't come across well.

Actaully, sorry to interrupt the flow, and all that, but can I just go back to something Kelly said earlier? (Of course I can — it's my blog )

This is something that keeps coming up in your comments about Tving, Siobhan. I think a big part of you doesn't want us to be accepted, because it takes some of the thrill/fun/whatever out of it. Is that a fair comment?

I think that that's a very fair comment, but perhaps a little unfair of me. I do think that part of the thrill/enjoyment of being out and about, is the challenge that (I think) I pose for the people I meet. Acceptance, for me anyway, I think would spoil the fun

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Interesting thing that — about the dressing-as-women-to-attract-gay-men (or as it happens, not) thingy, and the idea that a lot of trannies are straight-until-dressed. I'm not sure it fits well in my head (the idea that dressing up gives us an excuse to stop being straight) — but I do find it remarkable just how many 'straight' trannies I see snogging each other when I go out.

Which makes me wonder — is the reason we dress to make ourselves sexually attractive to ourselves? And do we see a reflection of ourselves in other transvestites — which somehow makes us attravted to them?

I know I said that I'm not really interested in the reasons why we dress (although, I do have a little monologue about exactly why I do it...) — and I don't think I'm contradicting myself there. What interests me is what happens when we dress — what changes that has on the way we perceive ourselves, and the way other people perceive us

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Oh, and also...

Can I just say that, as gay men, neither my partner nor I felt remotely slighted by the "trannies aren't gay" angle. To be perfectly honest — and it's extraordinary that I've never picked up on this before, having been Out in gay society since 1982 — I'd never realised until last night that most TV's aren't gay. So it was useful as a point of information.

Mike, I'm sorry — I'm now feeling a little embarassed that I might have made huge assumptions about the feelings on the other side of "the fence".

Is it really not an issue? I kow I'm always put out by the men who dress up for fancy-dress parties and the like, but excuse it by saying "It's OK — I'm not a transvestite"

A Slight Postscript

Um, listen. I don't know about you guys, but I've kinda worn myself out a bit today. All this thinking-about-things has a detrimental effect on my brain

However, I'm not going to be in a position to write anything for the next few days — tomorrow morning I'm picking Kath up at about 7am and the pair of us are going to spend the weekend in Belfast with my parents (who are, incidently, the only two people that stand between me and a state of total 'outness')

On Saturday, you see, I'll be thirty three. And I thought it would be quite interesting to go and visit the hospital I was born in (if I can find it) and make my entire displacement over the course of thirty three years precisely zero miles

Of course, the last time I was there, I was wrapped in a blanket and being herded out in a panic because they thought the place was going to explode.

I have every intention though, of taking my laptop on the plane with me, and blogging every single jolt and turbulence-driven shudder that the plane goes through (I couldn't get any valium tonight) ... so yous'll all have that to look forward to when I get back

Um, you do realise, of course, that my comment of "On Saturday, you see, I'll be thirty three" was just a complete hint that it's my birthday in two days, and if I don't come back to Lancaster on Monday evening to find fifty "Happy Birthday!" comments, I will not be a happy princess in the slightest.

Just thought I'd mention that. No pressure, obviously...