Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
Dreaming
I think it was about 3.30am that I woke up. Slid out of bed and stumbled into the loo for a piss and a smoke, trying (unsuccessfully) not to wake Kathie up.
A few minutes beforehand though, I'd been frantically trying to gather all our belongings up from the floor of a train carriage, and throw them out of the window before the driver pulled away.
I don't know about anyone else, but I have little periods of intensely vivid dreams. They usually start off with waking up one morning with the sense that I've had some kind of adventure, but I can't remember it. Then, as the nights go on, they become more and more vivid and memorable, until one night they peek in a feature-length Hollywood Blockbuster in my sleep.
And then they tail off again.
It often occurs to me to write them down, but if I try to, I get wrapped up in trying to remember the specifics about them, and I lost the plot.
I can remember fragments of last night's — but what I remember most is the train bit at the end...
For some reason, Kathie and I were getting a train from my parents' house into town. For some other reason, we had most of our possessions with us, scattered around the carriage as if it was a hotel room, and we'd unpacked ready for a holiday.
But not long after getting on the train, I realised that we were pulling into the station — the same station we'd got on at — and that we needed to get off.
I started to try and pack everything up again, while Kath got off and tried to stall the driver — but it was taking too long, so I just flung everything I could (including her glasses case, which for some reason I remember the most) out of the window onto the platform.
And as the train pulled away, we were both staring through the windows trying to see just what we'd left behind.
...
Oddness 
There is, I'm sure, some kind of correlation between that and the Kathie-moving-in process that's going on. But there was a lot more to that dream...
- Trying to take a picture of a castle (not Lancaster Castle) whilst climbing up a hillside, but failing to frame it well.
- A strange tube that connected my house to a little cottage that seemed to be some kind of heat-transferrer.
- ...and that's all I remember now.
Just after I had my fag, I tried to fix the dream in my head so that I'd remember it in the morning. But it's gone now.
Partly because I had another one just after it — the only part of which that I can remember is being on a stage, and trying to perform a quick change into a huge pink-dyed wedding dress.
I'm sure it comes without much surprise that I have a lot of dreams about being dressed as a woman. They usually follow a similar pattern — I'm at my parents' house, on the landing outside my old bedroom, wearing something unfeasibly frothy (for what ever reason — usually it's by accident) and I'm trying desperately not to let anyone catch me.
I'm always trying to run for the safety of my bedroom, or the bathroom, or somewhere where I can take the dress off.
But once (just the once mind), I dreamt that I was Siobhan. Not just dressed as her — but actually her. I had an entire dream where I was a girl.
It took more than a piss and a fag when I woke up to get over that one.
Accidental Colouring
OK, this might be incredibly vain of me but one thing I like to do when I'm lacking any inspiration to do actual work is to spend a bit of time going through old photographs and playing with them in Photoshop.
This morning is no exception, and I've been trawling through my Pictures folder looking for images to muck around with...
All well and good so far, but a couple of them, when I ran them through ImageReady to squish them down for the web, had a weird colour-shift moment, and got turned from Black and White images into these...
Odd no?
Nice, kind of like a duotone effect by accident.
Awww, I've not had the Wearing a Wedding Dress in my Parent's House and Trying Desperately to Get it Off Before I'm SeenTM dream in aaaaaagess!
very nice, I agree, good effects, Ive got a few black and white or sepia tone pics, makes a nice change 
I've not had the Wearing a Wedding Dress in my Parent's House and Trying Desperately to Get it Off Before I'm Seen™ dream in aaaaaagess!
LOL 
I isn't always a wedding dress — usually it's some kind of Convoluted Frilled Monstrosity™ much like what Paris was wearing in that photo of me on-stage that I posted yesterday.
I think it's got something to do with that memory I have of frantically trying to stop my mother come in the bathroom when I was dressed as a gypsy and forgot to lock the door
As a (still) in the closet tranny, I find my tranny dreams to be a wonderful experience. They usually involve me wearing what I would call everday ladies clothing (business suits, skirts, court shoes etc....not wedding dresses!) and going out and about dressed. I always feel incredibly excited and NORMAL in the dreams, and also very confident in my appearance. Above all, I feel COMFORTABLE in the clothes. When I wake up, I go to work with a real smile on my face. The warm feeling can last for days! They also reinforce my tranny-ness tendencies....as though I want to actually do in real life what I do in my dreams. You don't have to be a psychologist to work out that my TV side is bursting to come out!!!
Heh. All my dreams feature weird shit like Birds with human faces.
I forget about trying to remember the details, but if vivid memories stay with me I like to try and turn them into short stories after a few days or weeks.
The time passing helps as you don't get so obsessive about remembering or interpreting
All my dreams feature weird shit like Birds with human faces.
Forgot to tell you BTW, how much I enjoyed that.
Particularly liked the piccy of you wearing that "cheese plant" hat — seriously, looks good.
Dreams, wot are those, don't have them — probably coz I don't sleep long enough to have a dream, whatever. Although, I did wake up the other morning convinced that I'd had a long conversation about a client with Carol, she gave me a very strange look. Could that be counted as a dream?
Of course, the train stuff is all about anxiety stuff to do with Katie moving in — you'll have to get Katie to cross-examine you on that one.
BTW, I'm getting to worry about the fact that following you and Katie "getting together" is taking on a soap factor that I'm constantly telling the children to stop getting addicted to...
My aunt's ex husband was one of those pyscology (sp) scientist type chaps he had a theory that dreams were the brain's way of sorting through the preceding days going on and dumping the stuff the brain doesn't need to remember.
Doesn't explain why I dreamt that I was driving a tank whilst trying to organise a trip to the moon last night though.
Do you dream in colour? I do. Most people don't, apparently. It got me wondering whether it's a tranny thing to dream in colour.
Mind you, I tend to dream in 5.1 surround sound with popcorn and an intermission so I'm probably just too strange.
Selina Morse
Re: dreams
Have you been eating a lot of cheese?
Trans* dreams really freak me out, when I have them, whch isn't very often nowadays. They seemed to be more prevalent when I was closeted. Some correlation maybe?
Odd... but quite a nice effect though.