Saturday, 19th November, 2005

Mwah Ha Har

Just had a phonecall from a friend (who I haven't heard from in a while, and it was really good to talk to her), and apparently there's something in the post for me that will make Miss K utterly, totally, jealous beyond belief

*la la la*

Things My Camera Has Seen

I seem to be on a bit of a "trip down memory lane" mission at the moment . I'm not exactly sure why this is, although I think it's got something to do with wanting to re-affirm a sense of my own "history". I think that at certain popints in your life, you need to take a bit of time to remind yourself of things that have happened in your past — not to dwell on them, or wallow in a nostalgic mire. But to remind yourself of who and why you are the person you are.

If you get my drift

On my boy-site (which I must update/re-do/completely replace at some point soonish), there's a gallery of photographs called "Things My Camera Has Seen". It's quite a pompous title really, but the intent behind it was to just document, in a purely visual way, all the things I've taken photographs of over the years.

See, in the house I have a plastic bag full of old negatives. I realise that's not the best way to store them, but still . They were sitting there for years, untouched and un-printed, until one day — while I had access to a drum scanner — I decided to scan the lot of them.

But I thought it might be quite nice to pick some of them out, and explain a little about what each one was.

Just for the record, as it were

Kilkee, 1989

When I was young — up until the age of 18 I guess — each year our family would go down to a small village in Clare in Ireland. It's a beautiful place, just south of Galway and The Burren — a place that hasn't really been touched by the growth-spurt that Ireland's seen over the past few years.

The place that we used to stay at was right on the coast, and just across the road were some cliffs that had been eroded away to form little caves.

These caves though, had been eroded right through to the top, and when the tide was in, and the sea was a bit choppy, they'd act as blow-holes sending spurts of water all over the place.

Ambleside, 1990

As I must have mentioned at various points throughout this weblog, I started off university life wanting to be a teacher. Rather ironic really, considering what I ended up being

I went, initially, to a teacher training college in Ambleside in the Lake District, which (as anyone who's ever been there will testify), is a gorgeous chocolate-box sort of village.

There are a hhundred and one little stories to tell about my time there, so I'll save them for another day.

This isn't actually in Ambleside, it's further north towawrds Penrith. BUt me and Emma (my girlfriend at the time), found this rather odd place with loads of what looked like neolithic stone-works dotted all over the place.

It probably wasn't neolithic, but I was a young and romantic sod who liked the idea of ancient things, so we pretended it was

The most noticable thing about this picture though, is what I'm wearing on my legs. Those, guys, are The Trousers™ — a sartorial monstrosity that I wore, continuosly, for three years.

I thought, at the time, that they were cool. It has since been pointed out to me that they were, most definately, not.

Just over Kirstone Pass (which has the accolade of being the site of the highest pub in England) from Ambleside is Ullswater and the town of Glenriding (sp?). It's where "The Lakes" was filmed (if you remember that series).

I'm always in two minds about the place — on the one hand, it's absolutely gorgeous. On the other, it was the site of my first ever spectaular instance of "being dumped".

Grizedale, 1992

Just a couple more shots from the day in Grizedale that I was talking about yesterday. I remember being well-impressed with Andy Goldsworthy's work when I was younger. In fact, I took a couple of his ideas and tried them out.

Then I thought "Nah, nature is shit. Computers are more fun"

Lancaster, 1992

This, I think, is the only ever picture of the inside of my crappy flat. It was cold, damp, there were slugs everywhere. It made me miserable.

Gotta love that chair though I picked it up for a fiver I think. I kinda wish I had one like that now, so I could sit in it, stroking Tish and saying things like "So Mr Bond, we meet at last"

And BTW, that's Davina

Lancaster, 1996

This is shortly after I bought this house, and God doesn't it look different to what it does now?

The sofa, for example, has since been ripped to shreds by Biscuit's claws, and the carpet (which initially was a lovely Chinese Sea Grass matting, but over the years became grotty as hell) is now replace by oak.

And that wall isn't there any more (The one on the left)

Ah, just a couple of "me trying to take scenic pictures" shots. Despite being less "pretty", I kinda like the second one better.

Lancaster, 2002

Look at my Macs! Look at them! Mwah ha har.

My studio used to be in what is now my bedroom. Me and a friend built the whole desk out of MDF and some carpet-tubes. A year and a half ago though, I cut it down and moved it into the back room — it makes more sense really.

Here is an action-shot of me doing what I do best in my studio...

Actually, that should be "second best". What I do best is drink wine.

Leeds, 2002

I think it was 2002 that I started teaching This little series of pictures is taken on the day the results came out for the students, and we all went out and got very drunk.

I love this one It's one of those things you could probably never do if you were trying to — take a picture of someone taking a picture of you just as their flash goes off.

And I think this one kinda sums up the night for me — seeing everything through the bottom of a glass.

Leeds, 2003

OK, last one. Just a moody, pensive shot of me at a colleague's house.

...

Sorry to get all nostaglic on yous. I'm never sure whether or not this kind of stuff is boring to anyone except myself.

Like I said though, I think it's really positive sometimes to look back on things, and realise just how much fun you've had over the years. Because when you think about it, really, life is pretty good. And that goodness comes from yourself.

(And for any budding psychoanalysts that might be reading, yes, I do know exactly what I'm doing. And I know it's painfully, transparently obvious. )

Compensation

I've been rather "blokey" in the past couple of entries haven't I? To make up for that, here's another shot that Pauline took of me...

Do you remember what town you were visiting?

Yeah hon — the clue is in the <h2> — Kilkee

Oh, and I shrank the picture Sorry, it was breaking my formatting and we can't have that can we?

Ballyvaughan was a beautiful place, if I recall. I used to get into pronounciation arguments with my (proper) Irish friends about it — I called it "Ballyvawn" and they called it "Ballyvockan" — or the other way around, or something Whichever. They were right.

Lisdoonvarna is pretty cool too But my favourite place of all, I think, was the Burren. Especially Ailwee Cave (which, fact fans, the car-park of which is the place where Father Ted goes up to Richard Wilson and shouts "I don't believe it!")

Barclays

Right. Um, listen a second OK? It's probably one of those Online No- noes to let on what bank you use — what with all the phishermen out there, but still. I bank with Barclays.

But I'm becoming increasingly ashamed by this.

See, I'd like to think that the people who look after my lend me money, would have enough sense not to get more excited by the prospect of a current account with tacked-on travel insurance and breakdown cover as opposed to the prospect of FREE RENEWABLE AND NON- POLLUTING ENERGY FOR ALL.

God, every day, I feel more and more that my intelligence is being insulted by the little black box over in the corner of the room.

You know that one with the computer-on-wheels with Holly from Red Dwarf's voice which renders all of Barclays' employees obsolete? I think they're already obsolete, and have been replaced by a bunch of marketing dullards.

SO what you're saying here is they were right, and I was totally wrong, yes? I can't remember what my reasoning was — it was something to do with the sound of the "gh" in "lough". But actually, thinking about it, that would totally disprove what I was trying to say. So ignore me

the "bh" becomes a V sound

I've been trying to explain that to people for years

Not at all

Actually, just while we're on the subject, I've been wanting to learn Irish for years. Ever since I was sat in the back of a car travelling through Dublin with some friends, and they kept talking in Gaelic and pointing and laughing to themselves.

I saw some "Teach yourself Irish" books and CDs in Waterstones in Manchester the other day, and I was sorely tempted.

Because, well, that would be kinda cool wouldn't it?

I doubt I could find a class around here really. Hippy as Lancaster is, it's not quite hippy enough to find Gaelic lesson on every street corner.

Having said that, I could probably deal with the language if I could just work out how to pronounce things. THat was always my big Stumbling Block™

Maybe one of those CDs would help...

Will it run on Mac OSX?

Dammit, the relevant page in my copy of Pithy Comebacks for Dummies is missing

I think, actually, K wrote my copy of Pithy Comebacks for Dummies, and purposefully ripped out that page

No you don't

No I haven't

(It's not as formulaic as that is it? Arse)

Aye, but K, what I find particularly galling, is that somewhere, out there, is someone being paid stupid amounts of money, who thinks that I enough of a cretin to fall for it. And that's why it's an insult to my intelligence.