Thursday, 5th January, 2006

Shopping

shopping camera dress

Apologies in advance. This might be a tedious piece of writing (which begs the question "Why don't I stick this warning at the top of every page?")

Yesterday, I decided to indulge myself with a bit of consumer-therapy. I don't buy Nice Things™ very often, preferring to let objects live out their lives until they practically fall apart in front of me.

For example, have a look at this set of mine on Flickr

The one of the bag is particularly of interest — but I'll come back to that...

The first thing I did yesterday morning (well, not the absolute first thing — I drank coffee, smoked fags, and had a poo first ) was buy this dress. Apparently the hoop which gives it its shape doesn't come with it, but I think I've got enough petticoats knocking around somewhere to compensate.

I am obviously now, sitting staring at the door, waiting for the unmistakable sound of a ParcelForce van

Then. I went into town with the express intent to get at least one new lens for my camera. The 18-55 lens that comes as part of the Canon 300D kit isn't bad, but I was never really happy with the results I was getting from it. It feels a little plasticy for a start, and the range of the zoom wasn't quite what I'd hoped for.

So I popped into my local camera shop and had a look through their catalogue.

I walked out with a 50mm f/1.8. Not quite what I wanted, but they didn't have the 90-300 in stock, and I had vaguely wanted a fixed lens with a wide aperture.

It too is a little plasticy — and the autofocus motors are very loud — but I was playing with it yesterday and the results are pretty good. Here, for example, is a shot of my old lens...

...even though there was very little light at the time, it's still nice and sharp at the original size

Being the sensible pragmatist that I am, a little later I popped into Jessops to get some skylight filters to protect the lenses, and a polarising one. Numpty here though, didn't check what size filter her new lens took — so I now have a spare 58mm skylight filter. Maybe I'll break the habit of a lifetime and see if I can take it back and swap it for a 52mm one.

...

Bag

My old bag has seen better days:

I got it in Top Shop in London back in 1999. I'd been searching all over the place for a comfortable, non-fussy bag that would hold all the stuff I needed to hold, but wouldn't be too naff.

Sometimes though, I cram too many things into it, and as a result the strap is almost worn through, the zips don't work propery, and anything that gets put in it runs the risk of ending up in the same state as the bag itself.

My old PowerBook for example: It's now rejoined its friends as "available laptops" at Uni what with me getting a new one and all, and is now only distinguishable by its physical state.

"Is this your old laptop Siobhan?"

"Is it covered in shit?"

"Yep"

"Aye, that's mine"

Apart from my old bag falling apart, one of the reasons I wanted a new one is because I'm trying to be a little bit more organised about my days away from Lancaster, over in Leeds. Every Tuesday morning I find myself running around the (dark) house, trying to find Things To Take To Leeds™ for the week.

It occurred to me that life would be a lot simpler if I had a bag that I used pretty-much for that purpose only. I could fill it with things like toothbrushes and shampoo, and cables and adapters, and then all I had to do was shove some socks in it on a Monday night, and I'd be all set the next morning.

It might even give me an extra 15 minutes in bed

...

Anyway. Blah blah blah. New things — none of which are really exciting except for the dress ... which has just arrived

I will now retire to Princess World™ and will not be available for the rest of the day.

Do we get to see yo in at some stage??

Not just yet. It fits, I'm over the moon with it, but I think I'll save it for the next time I go down to see Pauline before I take pictures of it. It's a bit special, and I think it deserves a professional's touch — rather than my cack-handed efforts.

Behold! The Box Of Joy™

photo box

(via flickr.com/people/si08han)

"Right-click on box, drag contents to your inventory"

Whiling Away The Morning

secondlife snapshots

Outside of my own little self-centred ramblings, K brings news that Second Life will be on Newsnight tonight. In a blatantly obvious attempt to get herself on telly (potentially), Kisa decides to run around Second Life flaunting her wares...

(Actually, that's not true. I just needed an excuse to procrastinate. I should be slogging away at some work this morning, but having necked two bottles of red last night, my head is not in an "arts-journal" space right now)

You may remember my self-pride and brimming-with-gleeness at the tree that I made one day:

I'm a big fan of trees I used to make little ones out of plastercine when I was a kid. The trees that come as standard all over SL are rather good — but I'm always impressed when I see people building their own.

This one is a five-second-fly down the river from my house in Munck. It's bloody huge and there are three (four?) levels of treehouse in it. It reminds me of a massive treehouse that someone took me to see one day. I can't remember if it was Kei or my friend Stephane. Or maybe Thea... Anyway, I can't find it again. Shame.

I really liked this one. It's not as 'impressive' as the first, but it's really elegant and simple.

...

Anyway. One of these days I might try to build a forest in Second Life. For now though, I'll just run around buying clothes and trying out hairstyles...

Nah, if it had been me, I would have mooned

In Defence Of Transformation

tranny transformation rant

(Because someone has to)

There is a regular thread that rears its head sometimes on the UK Angels Yahoo mailing list. It's not quite so regular as some of the ubiquitous ones (you know, things like "Hey, wouldn't it be great to complie a list of music that had a slight trannie-reference?"), but it crops up enough — I think — to warrant a bit of study.

The most recent outbreak of it, was sparked off by someone recalling their experience in the Transformation store in Birmingham, and it escallated from there.

Here's a short summary of the kind of thing I mean:

"I went to a Transformation store. It was awful"

"I too have been to a Transformation store, and I too found it awful"

"They're unfriendly and expensive"

"They prey on trannies"

"I also think they prey on trannies"

"Me too"

"No, I'm Spartacus"

...

I should, perhaps, provide some background information for readers who are perhaps not inclined to slip on a petticoat when they're wife isn't looking (I gather that there are at least 2 of you), and also, perhaps, for readers from outside the UK

Transformation is a company started up (I believe) by Stephanie Anne Lloyd, which (according to their website) is:

the world's leading transvestite and transsexual specialists, transforming men into beautiful women.

It's a grandiose claim, and one that's seemingly backed-up by the photographic evidence on their site. I mean, just look at the little thumbnails at the top right of the page. That's fantastic.

But, of course, it's all bollocks. All the photographs are of real women. The accompanying pictures to all the 'products' described as "totally realistic in profile and colour plus they have totally natural looking nipples" are just real pictures of breasts.

Here, go see what I mean... "Born Again Silicone Breasts"

The thing is though, nowhere on that page do they make any claim that the breasts in the picture are the ones that are on sale. I'm no legal expert, but I bet that's how they get away with touting the crap that they do (trust me, I'll explain in a minute) yet seemingly promising totally realistic outcomes.

Their stuff is overpriced, doesn't (in the case of the hormones and the like) work, and is designed to make money rather than liberate the stiffled desires of a bunch of men with a penchant for dresses.

You could rant about Transformation for ever, but I don't think any rant would come even close to the effectiveness of Joanna's parody site : http://www.tatt4trannies.co.uk/

Actually, maybe there is one thing I can think of that would be as effective — and this is what I meant earlier when I said "trust me". See, I've been to Transformation. I've written about it a few times. And while I'm not going to repeat the whole story over again, I will just take this opportunity to compare (in photographic-styley) the tits that I bought from them against the (cheaper) tits I bought from Doreen's Fashions

Exhibit A: Transformation's Tits

Exhibit B: Doreens Fashions's Tits

Quite a difference eh?

...

See how easy it is to go off on an anti-Transformation rant? I'd intended on writing something in support of them, and I ended up ranting within fifteen minutes

...

I think though, that someone needs to write something in defence of them. We live (apparently) in a free country, and no-one is forcing us to buy their crap. So why does it rile trannies so much — as opposed to just titilating us that some people would actually spend their money on their shite?

Perhaps it's got something to do with eposure.

Transvestites are not, it has to be said, a very well represented group of people even in this day and age. True, we have Eddie. True, we have Grayson. True, we have Mr Walliams (is he One Of Us™? Bet he bloody is ) But outside of a very small social circle, "transvestite" is still a word that conjurs up all kinds of images of sad, ridiculous men, beating themselves off in a pair of "laydee's panties"

Not, I think you'll agree, the image that the majority of the Lavendar Brigade™ that I know want to promote.

And within that — outside of fab things like The Angels, and (dare I say it) Roses, and even this wonderful and unique Tranniesphere™ (dammit people, can I please have some attribution if you're going to use that word ) — within the inner sanctums of the laddish, sexist, homophobic blokes of the world (ie. The Sun), Transformation is the one and only representative of our little world.

(Aside from the usual "Trannies eat babies — claims housewife" headlines)

Before I invented the Internet, there were only two things in my experience that proved to me that there were other guys like me out there somewhere. There was the dictionary (if they had to invent a word for it, then I can't be the only one. Unless I'm very special. Which actually, might be the case), and there were the adverts in the back of The Sun for Transformation.

As a thirteen/fifteen-year old boy, I used to sit and stare at the drawing of the guy in a bowler hat, opposite the long-haired, buxom blonde in a flowing dress, underneath the words "From HE to SHE!!", and promise myself that one day, I'd go for a "Changeaway".

Occasionally I'd find myself in London. Perhaps on a school trip or a visit to some Uni or something, and I'd rack my brains to try and think of a way of getting to the shop and becoming the beautiful woman that they promised. I figured that they'd know the secrets of how to make a male face look like a female face.

Of course, to cut a long story short (she says, realising she's made the same point over and over again these past four years) when I actually went, parted with just shy of £600, and got crow-barred into a corset, the outcome was shite.

Not anything like what I'd hoped for.

But still. The point that I make, time and time again, is that what I looked like didn't matter. What I thought I looked like was the important thing. As is what I've looked like since.

Since then, obviously, I've found other wonderful ways of being pampered and dressed up, and being made to look (a little) like a woman. But at the time, I had no idea where to turn.

Transformation is a business. And they do what all businesses do — they advertise. Granted, a lot of other dressing services advertise — but usual just inside tranny-mags (someone correct me here if I'm wrong). Once you're 'inside the bubble' (so to speak), all sorts of other options start presenting themselves to you. But you need a way in.

Granted, these days I imagine that a large number of trannies who would have before not known where to turn, now have this here wonderful Intarweb thingy to help them start their journeys. And perhaps the days of Transformation being the only ones out there are numbered. OK, so if you Google for "transvestite" they still come up at the top, but they're nowhere to be seen if you Google for "crossdressing".

(*casually points everyone to MSN's UK search page for "crossdressing"* *whistles* )

...

Perhaps I should try and reach some kind of point to all this.

Basically, I agree. Transformation are shite. But I don't think that simply moaning about them is in any way productive.

I also don't think you can blame them for what they do. They've found a market, and they've gone out to make as much money as they can from it. That sounds fair to me.

As long as people are willing to pay over-the-top for a shoddy dressing service, then Transformation will survive.

If we want to stop people wasting their money though, we've got to do certain things. Granted, we have to continually point out to anyone who even thinks about going there, that they can get a much better service and makeover at hoardes of other places. Sometimes, for example, people ask me where they should go — and I shove them straight down the M6 to Leyland and into the arms of Pauline. And I think we all need to do likewise.

But we need to start making sure that the exposure that trannies get in the press isn't confined to the "freak show" headlines, the tacky ads promising miracles, and the "call 0898 blah blah blah, to hear my transvestite husband taking it up the..." at the back of *ahem* "gentlemen's magazines".

(Do they still exist? It's been years since I bought a pr0n mag )

Is this making any sense? I guess what I'm trying to say is that whilst it's OK to point out how bad something is, it's pretty pointless unless you do something good to counteract it.

I say we all club together to take a full-page advert out in The Sun for Tatt4Trannies.

Does anyone know how much that might cost?

Actually, I decided to go find out. £38,989 for a full-page mono. Perhaps a little out of our depth, I feel.

But the classified rates are a lot more achievable — £118.50 for one in the "adult" section

Seriously, if Jo's OK with this, I'm going to research this...

2003 if I remember rightly Mr Dave, sir. And you found me "by accident" yes?

I already bought one hon. A four-tier monster of a petticoat from Ebay Only problem is that it'll take over a week to get here. But I reckon I can wait...

(The same item, I bet, would cost £20 million from Transformation)

...

BTW to answer your question: ™ — that's how I do it anyway.

The reason why we rant is to warn others from making the same mistakes that we did.

No, I know that Jo, but I think we could do a lot more. We rant within our ranks, and in general we're preaching to the converted.

We have enough savviness amongst us to wipe Transformation off Google, and to parody them to the extent needed that they become a laughing stock of their own target market.

But we need to actually do it, rather than just internally bleating about them.

(Sorry. I;m really fucking angry about this one tonight)

OK. I will.

So what do we want? Just to stop them being #1 google search for transvestite? or more than that?

That's exactly the question that's kept me awake since 5.30 this morning.

In all honesty, I'm not sure. This is one of those situations where it's a lot easier to say "That's not right", than it is to say "but this is".

I think one has to start off with some kind of 'intent' — who would we do this for? Why would we want to diminish Transformation's stranglehold on a closeted market?

I dunno. Is there some kind of 'altruistic' thing going on here where we want to give a much more diverse set of options to people who are starting out trying to find information about transvestism? Or is it more than that? Is there perhaps a more personal reason — a desire to not be represented by Transformation as the public face of trannyism — and if so, then what should that be?

Gah. More coffee...

Meaningless? No. Symbolic? Gestural? Yes.

The thing that's bugged me about all of this, is just how quickly the whole 'bangwagon' started mocing on it — without really reading what I was trying to say.

(I'm drunk BTW — my typing has gone AWOL)

It's nt enough to moan about something — you have to do something positive in its place. And that's perhaps what's really pissing me off at the moment. This "me too!" aspect to the TrannieSphere.

Hidden within what I wrote, is a subtle reference to "I'm going to come out more to the peope I live and work with. I'm going to be more transvestic in my daily life". But that gets lost among the cut-and-paste. And it's easy to feel like you're making a difference by replicating verbatim something someone else said.

Sorry Carolyn, this whole thing has narked me to a great extent. And if I wasn't so cautious about pissing off people that I call friends, then I'd go on a great big ranty session and pull-up certain people on certain things.