Tuesday, 14th March, 2006

Siobhan Curran — Ace Detective

porn taraemory

I would like, if I may, to talk about pr0n.

Rather an odd pr0n day yesterday, to be honest. Basically, I had two emails from two people I pay to see rude pictures.

I remember a far while ago, how a friend of mine was loudly proclaiming that he "never had to buy porn again" because of the internet. And, on the whole, if you're not a freak pervert like myself, then that's true. You can download boring pictures of men's cocks up women's arses to your hearts content.

But, if you slightly more *ahem* specialist like myself, then you rapidly come to the conclusion that the only way you're going to see the sort of stuff you find erotic, is if you pay for it.

This is, I suppose, what comes with having an odd kink. Opening up The Sun on page three just doesn't do it for me these days — I need more than that.

Anyway right, the other day I was Googling for stuff. Googling in the "turn safefilter off thankyouverymuch" kinda way. And, well, I came across (not the best choice of words there — and I so didn't BTW) a crappy 'phone sex' site.

The thing was (I'm not linking to it — I don't want to grant it special PageRank powers) that the site was telling me that I could talk to a TS called "Erica" and showed me pictures of her.

God she was fit.

All I had to do was call a special twenty-million-pounds-a-minute phone number, and I could talk to horny Erica.

Except I knew that wasn't "Erica". I knew it was Tara.

...

A while back, someone emailed me (or maybe left a comment — who knows?) telling me that I reminded them of Tara Emory. Now, I know I dont look anything approaching how good Tara looks — but still, after checking her out a bit, I was incredibly flattered.

And I so got my credit card out — because, well, I'm kinda into that

Anyway, I was looking at these pictures, and I kinda felt that maybe I should let her know that someone was basically ripping her off online...

...

From: Siobhan Curran
Subject: Stolen pictures
To: Tara Emory

---

Hi Tara, you don't know me or anything, but I was casually playing with Google this afternoon, and noticed this...

[...]

Those are pictures of you aren't they?

Just wanted to let you know that someone had nicked your pictures and was using them on a phone site.

Take care

Siobhan x

Which prompted this:

From: tara emory
Subject: Re: Stolen pictures
To: Siobhan Curran

---

Yep, those are me.. Heh heh,, i had some fun calling them up. The person on the other end of the line was all sexy voiced and was like, "ooh which credit card do you want to use",, and I'm like "well, this is Tara Emory, and her as on fetish-fone.com is using my pictures, so either she get her own pictures or take them down, or hear from my laywer, etc..etc.."

The girl on the other end was taken aback by this and told me how to call so and so about taking down the pictures.. i.e. the runaround.

I figure if they are still up in a week or so, I'll call again.. Maybe in a gruff man's voice as Tara's laywer or something.. or bodyguard, or butch lesbian prizefighter girlfriend.. and be a bit more threatening.. Tee hee

Glorious Tara, hats off to you hon. I would have just sent a snotty email or something, but serious kudos for calling them.

Next time I go visit my brother in NYC, I'm going to buy you a drink

...

In other pr0n news, I got this in my inbox from another porn star...

If you ever wish to say hello then please just give me a call

I am, essentially, an utter shy individual who wouldn't dare

Downhill

photo

Do you ever have days when you seriously, honestly, totally cannot be arsed?

All the way over this morning, to give you an insight into my current mood, I listened to the Best Of REM. Twice.

Every single stretch of road was clogged with either a van, a lorry, or some old granny in one of the pope-mobile type cars (that look really stoopid if you ask me.)

So anyway, not sure why I'm even bothing to write this, but meh.

Roll on Summer Vacation...

I feel rather doubtful about ordering that sort of stuff, especially using credit cards

Yeah, I know what you mean — a few days ago I was wondering how I got a phishing scam thing sent to my girl address, with my boy name ... and then I heard about the porn database iBill thingy getting leaked, and it clicked.

Not sure I'm really that fussed though

What sort of pr0n do you go for?

Ha! Like I'm going to share that

Having said that, I think you can probably work it out from stuff I've talked about in the past...

Push The Button

projector-fun

Sometimes, I have little moments of genius.

A student walks into my office:

"Hey Siobhan¹, I can't get the projector to work"

"OK, I'll come and have a look"

The pair of us walk down the corridor and into the studio. There, on a trolley, was a DVD player hooked up to a projector — with nothing showing up.

"Hmm"

I walk over to the projector, press the "Video" button on the top of it, and the space suddenly becomes illluminated with the warm glow of a projected DVD screen.

"There you go"

(¹ of course he didn't call me "Siobhan" — call it "poetic licence" if you like. It never makes any sense when I use my boy-name on here)

Motorola

photo

Sorry for the shaky picture — I saw this in the antique centre yesterday and just HAD to share

Like I said Becky, "Maniac with an Uzi"