Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
Perceptive Audiences
I have a lot to do today. But an IM conversation last night with Ms Everson 
prompted a thought that I wanted to just open up as a general discussion topic — notions of 'self' and the preceived understandings of our personalities that those of us who write online have from our audiences.
That's probably quite a clumsy way of saying what I mean. In my defence, I'm hungover.
I've been a fan of Kath's photos for a while now — almost to the point of writing a testimonial one night. (I chickened out — I felt I needed to write it sober). There's a melancholic air of frustration running through her self-portraits — a sense of 'alone', a sense of 'yearning'...
...but that's just what I read into them, or at least what I read into that particular series. If you weigh them up against the other photographs (like, perhaps, ones of dinosaurs on the moon), then a new sense of personality comes across — one of light-heartedness and wit.
What I'm trying to get across here, is that when you cherry-pick a small subsection of someone's self-expression, you can often end up with a sense of their character that strays from how they'd view themselves. Actually 'knowing' someone is very different from piecing together a few clues hidden in a photostream, or — for that matter — a blog.
I don't know if I've actually got a complete "point" here BTW. I'm just curious about how the interactions and perceptions between author and audience work. I think I've spent a lot of time (probably too much come to think of it) insisting that I'm one thing or another — voraciously self-editing and trying to hone what I write to give a very particular impression of who I think I am.
But I've got practically no control about how these intentions actually manefest themselves. Once I let something out into the open, there's nothing I can do to control how it gets interpreted by a wider body of people.
For example — I choose a very specific way of presenting myself on this weblog (and one of the things I was really worried about when I redesigned, was losing the 'voice' that I had in shifting from 11-point text on pink to 12-point text on white), and I like to think that the layout of things on this page somehow reflect me. But when I drop a comment on someone else's blog, I lose that ability to frame what I write in self-established conventions — I have to rely on their decisions of formatting.
But I'm straying, aren't I? I just find it kinda interesting to compare how perceptions of people drawn from what they choose to exhibit of themselves in an online space, can somehow differ from what they intended. And how our brains instinctively try to 'fill in the gaps' when confronted by a fragmented self-description.
Two Letters Of Interest
Three things came through my letterbox this morning. The first was an electricity bill, so lets ignore that.
The second was from a company trying to sell me a timeshare apartment in Spain:
Dear Mr & Mrs Curran¹
Congratulations!
I'm delighted to inform you that you have been selected to participate in our Holiday of a Lifetime promotion.
This promotion is targeted at couples and families...
Ah. Let me just stop you there. Way to research your target audience guys 
The third was from the local council:
[...] a survey of travel patterns in parts of Lancashire County is being conducted [...] In the next week or so, a questionnaire will be sent to you [...] asking for information on the journeys you make and your reasons for making them.
I'm a sucker for surveys and questionnaires. I love the idea that my opinions on things matter, and equally, that I stand the chance of slightly messing up their demographics.
My answers will probably take the following form:
"To Leeds, for work. To the shops, for wine. To London, Milton Keynes and other places to dress up like a girl, get drunk, and maybe have sex".
¹ No, it didn't say "Curran"
PS — IE5.5 hates this layout as it keeps breaking it. The left sidebar information is at the bottom of the page and the section with the tail of the speech bubble is out of alignment with the rest of the bubble.
"Voice" is surely the words on the screen, not their font, colour or size
No, I disagree Jane. The "voice" is a mixture of all those things — albeit on several different levels. Whilst it's true that the majority of a sense of 'me' comes across in what I say, the way in which I say it, and the visual language which contains it, both matter.
This is, is it not, the whole point of design after all?
(Nice to see IE5.5 hates me just about the same as I hate it BTW 
)
"Dear Mr & Mrs Curran"
See....you really do have a split personality!
I say you come up with a universal Siobhan comment system so that no matter where, your comments always show up the same.
You're smart at stuff like that, so get on it! 
The "voice" is a mixture of all those things — albeit on several different levels. Whilst it's true that the majority of a sense of 'me' comes across in what I say, the way in which I say it, and the visual language which contains it, both matter.
(1) I was going to bang on about how there are two types of weblog (imo), the ones which contain a persons literary voice, and ones where they contain the persons human voice (i.e. you could quite happily imagine these same words in the same delivered style if the person was talking to you in real life).
What do you think tranniefesto represents in that manner?
(2) It's probably hell to admit, but surely immaterial of design, framing et al, everyone reads words on a page in their own mental or real voice? I've never for a second tried to have my inner-reader read tranniefesto with an irish twang, it, like all the rest of the internet, is read in my own delightful monotone. Which surely negates the hours spent agonising over 10 or 10.5 in Dreamweaver?
Ah, fantastic. I've arsed up your numbering script. Or something.
... and I meant to write "Agonising over Arial 10 or 10.5..."
so much IS read before any of the words are comprehended
Well put babe 
Dan, yeah, see Markdown converts lines beginning with a number and a dot as a list, and always starts them off with "1.". The paragraph inbetween makes it think that you're starting a new list (Don't blame me, blame Jon Gruber.)
The reason it looks funny, is that I never got around to styling lists inside comments — which I really should...
(This will make no sense, because I'm about to do something I almost never do, and tweak the comment of someone else. Apologies)
What do you think tranniefesto represents in that manner?
Woah. Way to pose a challenging question there. Um, I'll have to think about that one a lot before I even start to try and answer that.
I'm not sure I entirely get what you mean by a person's "literary voice" though.
everyone reads words on a page in their own mental or real voice
Actually, when I read this blog, I apply a different mental voice to each person. It's not always the same either. It's sort of a meld of punctuation, context and gravatar image. You should hear all of your voices in my head...
(This will make no sense, because I'm about to do something I almost never do, and tweak the comment of someone else. Apologies)
In cases where ham-fisted fools like me don't know how to use stuff like that, its a requirement.
I'm not sure I entirely get what you mean by a person's "literary voice" though.
Not sure how to explain any better... ah okay, some thinking (and a reference to "Mean Girls") later:
A vocal blogger just engages in the word-vomit-to-page. Writing is merely a method of communicating their internal monologue. It's splurged out to the computer, spell-checked, and posted.
A "literary voice" stylee affair, is where the person engages in blogging in the style of proper writing. Re-drafting, polishing, and generally turning it from a personal exposure of the person, and more them describing things through their filter, as if writing (for want of a better example) A book
Actually, when I read this blog, I apply a different mental voice to each person.
I apologise for my incorrect generalisation then. (Speaking of "voices" why does that sentance sound sarcastic when it's not meant to be?)
You should hear all of your voices in my head...
I want know what I sound like!!! please
Beki
It's splurged out to the computer, spell-checked, and posted.
Well, apart from the 'spell-checked' bit, that's probably me.
There's more to it than that though, and I'm currently trying to work out a way of explaining it.
I knew I'd forgotten something!
Beki
You mean like a backslash?
Anyone else want me to fix their comments for them?
Thank you! 
If only there was a preview button on this page!
Beki
It's on my list of things to reinstate
I love this blog. It's always good!
Beki
Debugging Is Easier When You Have Help
All hail Joanna 
and her L33T Skillz!
To: Siobhan Curran
From: Joanna Nicholls
Subject: tranniefesto and IE
Hiyas
just thought I had better send you a screenie of what I see in IE
basically your sidebar does not begin until after the final comment box and the Submit button....
Its fine in firefox (and yes I know I should be using that anyway.......)
To: Joanna Nicholls
From: Siobhan Curran
Subject: Re: tranniefesto and IE
Ah — cheers hon! Really. All I've got to test it with is Explorer running in Virtual PC. I'm not sure what version it is that I've got (I should check, perhaps), but it always seems fine in that.
This'll be one of two things: either I've slightly messed up my measurements and IE is having difficulty with a div that's too big, or there's an issue with 'extra margins' — sometimes IE adds too much whitespace around something, which is pushing it down to the bottom.
Both of these are easily fixed (there's a simple hack for the latter), but I'm expecting April sometime soon, and I need to tidy the house.
What version of IE are you using BTW?
To: Siobhan Curran
From: Joanna Nicholls
Subject: Re: tranniefesto and IE
hi babes
I am using IE 6.02
One thing I noticed was that it didnt happen as soon as you changed the new design
I'm wondering if the text on Weds 12th "ASCIIMoviePlayerSample" is too wide for the sidebar? It seemed to break around that date.
To: Joanna Nicholls
From: Siobhan Curran
Subject: Re: tranniefesto and IE
Hmm. Not thought of that. How's it look now?
To: Siobhan Curran
From: Joanna Nicholls
Subject: Re: tranniefesto and IE
that works!
Where do I send the consultancy invoice to?
To: Siobhan Curran
From: Joanna Nicholls
Subject: Re: tranniefesto and IE
Um, Bill Gates. For making a crappy browser in the first place
Thanks hon!
Note to self: I need a much nicer way of formatting email conversations.
Heh Heh... all bow to my uber l33tness
Voices
Something I'd promised myself I'd never do...
It's about 11 and a half minutes long, and tails off a little towards the end, but meh
Will tell you if it looks better in IE5.5 tomorrow, I hate it as well it's what we got at work.
I'm a firefox chick at home
here's me debating whether or not to click play once this thing is fully loaded...
maybe later.
LOL, I have the same trepidation Kath. I listened to 3 seconds and had a weird reaction...
You know that feeling you get when you hear your own voice on tape? It was like that but with somebody else's voice. Never had that before!
I'll steel myself and listen properly later.
The weirdest thing, and I swear this is true, for all the good it would do me. I bought a microphone at the weekend for a very similar purpose.
Never said I'd actually use it thought. 
You know that feeling you get when you hear your own voice on tape? It was like that but with somebody else's voice. Never had that before!
Me neither. I sound like my brother.
Well I enjoyed that. You should do that — like, more than once, because that was very, very interesting.
...
Also, I'm sorry for using the word "Vomit", it's not meant as a pejorative*. Its just I watched Mean Girls a few weeks back and the phrase "Word Vomit" to indicate a, as you say "Keyboard Splurge" was the first thing that came to hand. It's a bad phrase.
*or as a descriptive of content at all.
Great to hear what you sound like, and how to say your name.
An anonymous coward
Its just I watched Mean Girls a few weeks back
It's OK Dan — I get what you meant
I watched Chained Girls last weekend. It's something that I have to write a review of...
how to say your name.
Is that still causing confusion? It's "shivawn"
you sound completely different than what I imagined. obviously, I didn't think you had a woman's voice and I new you had a deep voice.
I imagined you to have a fairly strong lancashire accent. not an irish one at all. it's not strong, but enough to tell that your irish.
oh btw, I had to be a sneaky sod and get the url for the mp3 file from the source code. I can't access the imbedded media player with my screen reader. damn it. you'd think, for a product that's been constantly updated since 1996 or there abouts, they would have ironed that one out by now.
oops. that was actually me. 42 is obviously not my angel id
Stephanie Rowe
I was tempted to change it for you, but I like these happy accidents
will your UK angels field accept my old id? I think I still have it written down somewhere.
Stephanie Rowe
I think so. Jo's rewritten the site, so I need to drop the Angels from my form — but I think it works still. You should get yourself a gravatar hon if you want to be sure.
Although (and please forgive me if I'm talking out of turn here), there's an odd paradox there about using something visual like an icon to represent yourself.
hmm. I don't wanna get a gravitar just yet.
can't I just use the url of my blog in, I dunno, the blogger field even though it's not hosted on blogger?
I'm gunna try my old angel id this time.
...are you sure you couldn't do a podcast? Or at least record a sentence per day just for me? Because honestly I think I could listen to you all day... must be another instance of Americans Loving Accents That Aren't Their Own™. Really.
...this makes me want to pull out my own recording stuff and get to work. Because now I wonder how people think I sound, since I've been...well, rather blown away by you. OMG. :giggle:
That works.
sorry I'm kinda using your blog as an im cliant. well you did say that you liken it to a pub.
Oh, and Mean Girls? I've been watching that something like once a week. It's one of my new favorite movies, and I hate Lindsay Lohan. Whether they decide to make her Sailor Moon or not (grr...stupid rumors...)
I'm kinda using your blog as an im cliant. well you did say that you liken it to a pub.
And I did base the comments-speech-baloons on my IM client
I think I could listen to you all day
The thing is though Tiff, I can't
I have been toying with the idea of recording something and putting it on my blog for ages. maybe we should all record our own voices. but then there's the problem of someone recognising us and maybe starting world war 3 about us being trannies.
ok, maybe not world war 3. but a major bust-up anyway.
The "podcast" was very interesting, I particularly liked the "oh shit I've set fire to myself" comedy intro.
Has anyone ever told you that you sound a bit like Roy Mallard?
In my head I'd allways imagined you sounded just Clare Grogan did as Niamh Connolly in Father Ted. Of course all the comments people leave I imagine as being spoken in a Eric Cartman sylie.
An anonymous coward
there's the problem of someone recognising us
Yes. Because no-one is going to recognise us based on our pictures eh?
Has anyone ever told you that you sound a bit like Roy Mallard?
No. And I'm not sure I should feel flattered by that or not. I think I'd prefer Eric Cartman.
I loved that bit an all. well, I... oh shit! I've just burned myself. fuck!... lol
duh!
ok, , I meant a muggle recognising us who doesn't know we're trannies.
....feh.
I think so. Jo's rewritten the site, so I need to drop the Angels from my form
It will work for now, but eventually (once I've got this current writing job out of the way and have time to think... I guess in a few weeks) I'll be deleting the old Angels member database, and all membership numbers will be null and void. So its best to get yourself an alternative to the Angels ID.
No. And I'm not sure I should feel flattered by that or not. I think I'd prefer Eric Cartman.
I speak from experience when I say that you wouldn't prefer to be Cartman. (And no, you don't sound like Chris Langham/Mallard)
Haha. I have done it. I have totally recorded my own word vomit.
http://portfolio.agnesscott.edu/tclaiborne/audio1.mp3
I doubt anyone will listen to that, but I think you've started a trend.
Or at least in my case you have.
this is not me commenting
Siobhan Curran
when I get really thirsty at night I lick my screen
Siobhan Curran
OK, that's not me 
Are you sure?
Siobhan Curran
....uh...?
Well, now that I think about it, it's not that hard to act like you on your blog. You just have to know your Flickr alias...any way you could use some other system to have us identify ourselves that makes it harder to impersonate, say, you?
You have a nice voice to listen to, love your accent, I always thought you'd sound irish but your voice is a bit deeper than i thought it would be
Interesting, a sort of fair weather N.Ireland accent, a bit like Paul Rankin but softer. Thanks for that, its nice to see you talk just as you write/type.
Jenna
Interesting, N.Ireland accent, its nice to see you talk just as you write/type.
Davew
May I say, Ms. Curran, that I think you have a very sexy voice...
So, there's a bright future ahead for you in Radio 4 continuity announcing...
"And now, the shipping forecast..."
Either that or a junior doctor who has to give bad news...
"We've got the tests back..."
You mumble a lot o.o;
OMG — Your voice, you've blogged your voice!
(OK, I know I'm writing this weeks after the event, but I've been off-line and only just heard it)
Sooooo, you don't sound at all as I imagined. For some reason I expected quite a strong accent (maybe due to your habit of writing 'yous') so these cultured, honeyed tones, with a hint of a burr, took me by surprise. I don't know if this is the 'voice' I'll 'hear' your blog in from now on (I think I may have been reading for too long to switch); but, if I do, that's ok because: it's a very nice voice. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Alli' Cat'
"Voice" is surely the words on the screen, not their font, colour or size, of all the things you've mentioned the look of this blog probably says the least about you, for all the casual viewer knows you could have bought this design.
It's the pictures and words that give some insight into the character the person who is producing this stuff.
But as you say that insight is dependant on two things, what you put forward for consumption and how the person viewing it interprets the information and that is dependant on their experiances, prejudices, knowledge etc.
There is nothing you can do about that, just got to accept it or stop interacting. Best thing to do is relax in the knowledge that most people don't give a gnat's chuff about the differences between helvita and ariel and are more interested in what is being said than what it looks like.