Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
On Photography
rant photos photography secondlife tranny
I am not, nor will I ever will be, a photographer like April 
— someone who can master a scene around them, manipulate the light and people to create a tableaux of gargantuan expressiveness. Someone who's camera becomes an extension of themselves, and who can capture the essence of a moment in vivid, crisp starkness, pushing people to see themselves in a completely new light.
Nope. I'm not like that at all.
I'm a photographer who sees the camera as just one step in a process to create something — something not necessarily having any resemblance to the light that came in through the lens.
In fact, you could probably say that I'm not a photographer at all — I'm a Photoshopper, essentially. For me, the camera is just a resource-gatherer — a means to capture raw data that I can shove through whichever process happens to be my favourite at the time, in order to create something new.
That being said, you can imagine just how frustrating it is for me when I actually want to capture what I see.
Dunno if anyone's noticed, but I've been playing around a lot with photography in Second Life these past few days. I've built myself a little space in which I can totally manipulate the background, in order to take some photos of my avatar devoid of the usual detritus that you get in-world.
The reason I'm enjoying it so much, is because I'm doing what I find so hard in Real Life — taking shapshots of exectly what I see at the time. I sit myself down, move the camera around a bit, and I know that when I hit the shutter what I see on screen is exactly what the photo will look like.
If only Real Life was the same...
Here, for your passing entertainment, are some photographs I've taken so far — they're essentially just me in different outfits...
Me being a tad risqué
Me being all Victorian-Riding-Girl and whatnot
Me pissing about with the complexities of gender
And finally, me being perhaps teh cutest thing evah in a pixie outfit.
See? Easy. I could entertain myself for hours doing that.
But in the Real World, it's not so simple. I'm never sure that WhatISeeIsWhatI'mGoingToGet.
This evening, for an example, as well as tying up my G5 with countless MPEG encodings, I thought I'd spur myself back in the Tranniesphere© by whacking on some make-up and one of my new maids dresses.
(Well, everyone has been emailing me asking to see them)
But despite over ninety tries, the best I could come up with was this:
It's OK, but it's not great 
I just wish I could do the same thing that I can in SL — see what I'm taking before I take it. Have a chance to pose, to position myself. Basically, know that the result is going to look like a girl, so I can concentrate on telling a story in the photo, rather than fretting about whether my brow is too big.
*sigh*
After my EGL frenzy though, I thought I'd just take one more shot of me post-dressing:
I'm actually really pleased with that. And I'm hoping that a sense of pride comes across in it, rather than arrogance.
...
But there were two specific things I wanted to write about, relating to photography — but I'm not sure I've got the stamina to do so tonight. One was a brief discussion about "What is a photograph?", prompted in part by some of the comments on a discussion about NIPSA (damm, can't find the discussion) — in particular the one that said:
It's only a photograph if a camera was used at some point in the process
Which, to my mind, was a horribly smug and self-satisfied way of 'out-doing' one of my contacts (you had to see it in context), and — above all else — a totally short-sighted and naive interpretation of what photography is.
(Photograms anyone?)
But, like I said, I haven't the stamina to discuss that tonight...
...
The other thing I wanted to mention (only slightly — I'll come back to it properly), is a discussion of 'documentational' photography — in particular how it relates to the myriad of photographs on trannyflickr and Angelflickr.
I've noticed for a long time that it seems that the important thing in transvestite self-portraits (and those of being out-and-about) is what's recorded, rather than the photograph itself. In a lot of cases, it doesn't seem to matter how good the photograph is, as opposed to what's in it.
As much as I'd like to explore that tonight, I'm going to save it for later. If you want an example of what I mean (and I hope she's going to back me up on this), compare the differences between April 's photosets from (a) Lost Vagueness and (b) Transmission
One is documentative, the other is explorative. And I think there's a very good reason for that.
Tabitha Sinn
firstly — Kisa is hot — oh yes!
secondly — I think you have hit the nail on the head (again) Most TVs are not photographers and most have no intention to produce something worthy or artistic in our self portraits, most of us are just saying 'Hello this is me' — (and as you have mentioned previously -hoping for some validation from the rest of the community — validation as CDs not as photographers or artists) If you look at the angelflickr and the trannyflickr groups you will see a marked difference — in angelflickr nearly all the pics fall into the above category while in trannyflickr there is more of a tendency to say 'this is me and this is what I can do!'
So now you have to tell me how you get such good, high quality Second Life poses.
Im just in the proccess of putting my firt attempt up!
Well I suck at photography and in fact have just bought my first little digicam so Im playing with it and learning.
The pics of you look great hon, and yes I see proud not arrogant.
The SL ones look great without the background, how do you do that?? Mine are all background so I have to crop them.
Awww, you say the sweetest things about me. Thank you. 
I should come up with a sensibly composed comment, but its late and I'm tired, so instead I'll relate a story...
When I was first talking to the Transmission people about shooting their nights, they encouraged me to take photographs with the whole person in...particulary the shoes.
"Why the shoes?" I asked.
"Because when people look on the website at their photos, they like to see that they were wearing THOSE shoes out to a night club."
It was all about evidence and proof. Documentation.
(Despite my secret love of medical and forensic photography, I dont want to shoot photos that are, essentially, documentation. I wanted to shoot what it felt like to be there — oh that does sounds pretenious. But however I express my creative mandate, I wasn't going to fulfill it shooting to a brief. Which is why I'm on a huge extended personal project at the moment. There's lots of other reasons around that as well, relating to style, marketability and career, but I wont go into that here.)
god it is late...I didnt read that properly before I posted it...it was the shoes and the outfit. I meant to say.
But the shoes comment stuck in my head at the time...
You capture an instance of life, a being of... is or a being of sence, I click of the camera is a moment in time, thats all, the pic is just a moment of a desire view and see and then be led on to more perhaps, its capturing that being, it is momentary, a flash of the lens shutting
choice
But if the image is not worthy, who is the questioner? you or the viewer?
choice
make the questioner view and the viewer see what is...
choice
It was all about evidence and proof. Documentation.
Indeed — in exactly the same way that almost every single landmark in the country has people standing in front of it having their photo taken. It's not about capturing a moment, or a feeling — it's about proof.
I'm not saying one is more 'right' than the other BTW — I'm just interested in the differences between them.
and yet, as a would be photographer very few photos feature me... (frustratingly!) I always find myself behind a wall of silver halide trying to imprint onto it just what I feel about what I am viewing.
And just sometimes... very rarely... it works!! but the resulting image is as far removed from the reality as my self image is from what I actually look like 99% of the time.
But then that's a part of what crossdressing is, the momentary suspension of reality (for me, sometimes... but that's a whole different discussion! :-o) and photography, whether related to crossdressing or not, is also inherently involved in the creation of an illusion as well as a factual record.
Eeeek, I think I need to go for a lie down now! Or at least avoid drinking before reading interesting discussions on Siobhan's blog 
(hic)
Sandie
Alright, that's it. Get out of my head! Out! Now! (lol!)