Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
9% And Falling
I've got practically no battery left, and I can't be bothered to go upstairs and get the power adaptor, so this'll have to be quick.
I'm fed up. I feel rubbish today. There are many reasons for this — none of which I'm going to even try to explain.
Meh
Beki
You have to be of a certain age for that title to remind you of Trillian announcing the probability levels on the Heart of Gold.
Feel better soon. x
I used to have a Mac called Trillian...
Tell you what, let's see if I can elaborate a little bit.
I am, probably obviously, on a bit of a 'come down' after Sparkle. The giddiness and headiness of running around like a loon on Canal Street in that dress have been replaced with a brute-force-reality of code and travel and general worky things.
I suppose this must be a feeling prevalent throughout those that went this year (perhaps), but in a way I'm feeling more down about how little down I'm feeling about it.
That makes no sense. 
People always say "You get out what you put in", and this year, I hardly put anything into it at all. I declined the offer to be in the fashion show for a start, and did very little in regards to organisation.
In fact, the only thing I can think that I did to help out in any way, was to sort Laura Handbag out with a projector for the workshop she did on Saturday.
(There's a short, partly-amusing panicky story to tell about that BTW)
So, having put very little in, I kinda felt a little detatched from it all this weekend.
And I suppose, thinking about it, I'm currently missing that come-down that I had last year. And missing it is bringing me down slightly.
That makes slightly more sense. Perhaps.
Elsewhere (in my head) though, there's other stuff going on I guess. It was really good seeing everyone — in some cases for the first time — but I wish I'd not got quite so plastered so early, so that I could have actually talked to people.
(This 'idiom' of mine — "Ballgown, lying on face on the ground, wine bottle in hand — may be all fun and whatnot, but it doesn't make me the greatest conversationalist in the world)
Also, just in a vaguely general way, I'm seriously fucking confused about things in my head at the moment. One day I feel one way about myself, the next I feel another. Sometimes I see pictures of myself that are floating around the net, and I just totally can't identify with the person looking back at me.
...
I think, to be honest, that the things that exist in my life that Make Me Happy™ teeter on a knife edge sometimes. They can flip over into Things To Make Me Sad™ with the tiniest of changes.
And, I guess, that's why I can go from Sparkly Princess™ one day, to Pessimistic (um) Pessimist™ the next.
Ah, (I think) I know how you feel there. Hope you feel better soon. I often get that way, mainly based on my perception of other people perceptions of me.
Beki
Are we supposed to comment on that? It's just after the other day not sure if I should or not. So, I will. I just won't actually say anything, but in a very long winded way of not saying anything!