Friday, 30th June, 2006

"You're Not Really A Designer, Are You?"

design rant sparkle

An interesting conversation with someone earlier today, that may drift off topic once or twice...

"So yeah, I saw your website¹. You're not really a designer are you"

"Um, well, maybe"

Wasn't really sure what to make of that, truth be told "A Designer" is something that I've always tagged into my little Ten Things About Me™ that gets reeled off whenever someone say "So tell me about yourself", but thinking about it, maybe they had a point.

I mean, 'designer' isn't really accurate. Reuser of an 24pt Arial and 12/11pt Verdanna doesn't really actually make one a designer, per se, it just means that you have a particular style that whilst being incredibly thought-out and rationalised, you have a particular style and you'll be buggered if you're going to stray away from that.

...

I wonder, sometimes, exactly what it is about Design that interests me so much. I think that me calling myself a designer is perhaps a bit of a misnomer, really. I think that maybe, the person who said I wasn't one, had a very specific idea of what a Designer actually is in their head — more 'graphicky' than what I do — and true, that's not what I am.

But it got me thinking "OK Curran, what are you then?"

The closest I've been able to come to picking a word so far this evening (lots of thought — about a full 8 minutes' worth) is aesthete.

I like things that look nice. I take great steps to make sure that the things that I do look 'nice'.

But I was also thinking, "So, are you an artist?" And maybe even there, no. True, I make photographic prints, and films, and (tenuous as it may be) I like to think of this weblog and some of the more 'public' aspects of my transvestism as being 'performance' — but I still don't think I'm really an artist.

So, 'aesthete' aside, I was trying to come up with something more descriptive, when it occurred to me that I really am, when all's said and done, just an academic.

I like learning, I like sharing, and I like doing things purely for the joy of doing them. I try and cram my head with as much bits of information and knowledge as I possibly can — sometimes trivial, sometimes deeply meaningful. But the whole thing — the thing that drives me to do all the things that I do — is just a love of knowledge.

So yeah. "You're not a designer are you?"

"No, I'm an academic"

...

Ah, see, what a glorious transisiton.

I was rather narked by a certain 'academic' the other day. If you're on the mailing list of The UK Angels, you might have a small inkling into what I'm referring to — but for the benefit of those outside, I'll try and have a quick attempt at explaining without breaking the Hallowed Code Of Nettiquette™

"How was Sparkle guys?"

"I got drunk. It was fab"

*Sharp Intake On Pipe*

"This is outrageous. If that's the sort of thing that goes on, then I will not support it in future"

Now, admittedly, I've been too much of In Another Headspace™ these past few days to see if there was any response to my "Calm down dear" retraction of my little quip, but I've been gradually fuming about it all more and more since Tuesday.

I don't know what it is about some transvestites that they seem to think that anything we do to try and further the cause for our Human Right To Wear Frumpy Dresses™ needs to be done with some kind of po-faced melodrama.

I've been to a fair few organised (and unorganised ) tranny-based events in my time, and sometimes the worthiness of it all astounds me. I've seen people having arguments with Outside Folk™, trying to convince them of the Goodness And Righteousness™ of what it is that we do. And I truly, honestly believe that there's completely no point to the vast majority of that.

Far better that we just have fun FFS. Far better that we just demonstrate that we're not a bunch of dickhead boring men getting off on silky panties. Frankly.

I mean, case in point: Becky and I went to Pink Punters over a year ago, to have a laugh. Noth of us were flamboyant. Both of us were effervesing with enthusiasm. Both of us were Up For A Good Time™. In the bar at the Campanille, there were a group of Northern Irish men engaged in some kind of philosophical debate with a couple of trannies — trannies trying desperately to out-argue the questions and (valid) points that were being put their way.

After a while, the men turned to me.

"So why do you do it?"

(This was after they seriously took the piss out of me for being called "Siobhan", incidentally )

"Um, I dunno. Why don't you?"

And then we got drunk with them. And I like to think that after that night, seven men trotted back to Belfast thinking "Oh, OK. So trannies aren't the boring weirdo eejets that we thought they were. They're actually allright"

...

My point to all this (if I have to have one ) is that yeah, I'm an Academic. But I'm also the sort of Academic that knows when to stop being a boring bastard, and to just have fun. And I'm also of the opinion that — in much the same way that a picture can say a thousand words — the sight of a (drunk) man in a massive red frock, waltzing down Princess Street with his head held high, proud of what he is, smiling like a loon and being friendly to everyone he passes, has more impact on the views of the world at large than a dowdy bore who wants to engage with worthy 'debate' with anyone who has a problem with us.

So there

¹ Not this one — my boy one

/me puts on fixing hat...

Excu-u-u-se me!!

*pah* You can't even spell "Eejet" properly

We just need more "this is what I do, so what" kind of people.. which is what is happening more and more.

This is true. I must confess, I do like a good in-depth discussion about the whys-and-wherefores of what it is that we do, but you just can't have them at 3 in the morning on Canal Street.

I nearly didn't 'let it slide' BTW. I nearly ranted. But then I thought "Meh. What's the point?"

Hows the not-drinking going anyway

I'm not "not drinking" — I'm just cutting out the "drinking to get drunk". Drinking with people is OK, I feel.

/me doesn't really think that her comments system is a load of crap.

Aye — but I really should redo the 'Preview' thing eh?

This is true. I decided this evening that I deserved a treat because (a) I've been good, and (b) it's been a long week, and poured a glass of wine.

I'm now wankered¹

¹ No I'm not²

² Perhaps a little³

³ Nah, not really

I was getting prepared for a good rant

Well, see, the thing is that (a) I was half-way out of the door on my way to Leeds, and (b) it coincided (and therefore contributed) to this sense of I Drink Too Much™ thingy that I wrote about the other day.

I mean, I was angry — angry that someone could try and declare themselves to be 'holier' and 'worthier' than me, and (quite frankly) fucking patronising — but I just didn't have the time or inkling to respond in any way other than "I take that back".

One of these days, she's going to catch me like that when I'm in a perfectly sane, reasoned, and rational state of mind. And then I'm going to rant her so far up her arse that she comes out of her own mouth.

Jealousy can be so destructive don't you think?

Yes. Totally. So can self-righteousness and misplaced prudishness, IMHO

It came across to me as "We should be setting an example" — and, essentially, the main thrust of any potential rantage from me about the whole thing was "Who the fuck are we to try and set a frigging example FFS?". It was a "We should all be well behaved and not let people know that sometimes we like to let ourselves go a bit".

And the main thing I could think of saying back to it was "Hello. My name is Siobhan. And I am HUMAN"

(after all)