Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
Three Things
When something says "Just add hot milk", it means hot milk, and not just water. Yuk
You would be surprised, I feel, just how much compliments, affection, and general love there is contained within an insult between two good friends.
Sloppy Seconds. I have a whole huge post to make about this.
Maybe in the morning...
Heh 
It's not what you think — it's way more boring than that
Sloppy Seconds
self rant web secondlife earlyadopter
Do you ever get the feeling that wherever you go, someone's been there before?
[Kisa:]
A few nights ago, I was standing around in a Newbie Area in Second Life with my horsey friend, ready and intent to help all and sundry, when someone came up to me with a question about my surname.
"Do LL ever bring surnames back after a while?"
"Um, nope, once a family is full the name goes out of service"
"So, all the Naumovas I meet are likely to be really old?"
I found this rather amusing — the thought of me being "old" (cue fake offence and much chuckling about being called "old") — especially seeing as I'm not really that old in comparison to some people. I've not even had my first birthday FFS
But it got me thinking about something that's been troubling me for a while — how I always seem to find the coolest things online just after everyone else.
Well, I say "everyone" — what I mean is I always find them just after the first wave of early adopters.
I've always thought that the general cycle for a New Thing™ worked like this...
New Thing™! -> Beta testers -> Early Adopters -> Unwashed Masses
...but that's obviously a far-too-simple model. I always seem to fit into a category somewhere in that third '->' — a category suggested by Wikipedia to be "early majority', but one I'd like to call "Sloppy Seconds" 
It kinda works like this: New Thing™ appears and surfaces ... someone I know takes the plunge ... after a few months they mention it to me and I join in — only to find out there's thousands of people already there, and the kudos of being one of the 'establishment' has long since dissipated.
Of course, that 'kudos' — or rather the fact that I seek it out at all — probably shows me up for being deeply superficial. Either that, or it's a reflection/extention of my schooldays where I used to float around the playground not quite being accepted by all the 'cool' kids.
There are four examples of this that spring to mind:
Roses
Obviously, I'm non-too fussed about this one — considering my general dislike of internet forums. But sometimes the whole thing can feel so impenetrable — you read through a discussion and shudder at how personalities and relationships between posters are so well established that anything you say will be drowned out by the 'clique'.
But then again, I'm not a Sloppy Second on Roses — I'm an out and out n00b
Flickr
I found Flickr through Ian 
back at the start of last year. I wish I could find the original email (I don't have anything in my archives before Erin's spectacular crash), but it was something along the lines of "Here's a really cool thing you should be part of".
And he was right (of course ) — Flickr has radically reshaped the way I think about publishing on the web, and I've made some really interesting contacts through it.
But even though I've been a part of it for well over a year now, I still come across conversations where people start talking about things like "Flickr Live", and wish to God that I'd found it earlier.
Second Life
I was reading through some of the SL history wiki yesterday, and noticed that I was very nearly SL's 50,000th resident.
(Well, after a momentary flip through emails, I was a couple of months before that, but still )
Naturally ("inevitably" you might argue) I'd found SL via K 
who'd been pushing it for quite some time, and I guess the only reason I'd not taken the plunge before that was because I didn't actually have the $9.95 I needed to join.
A large injection of cash (and a rather large RL incentive to "get away from reality for a bit") at the end of last August though, and I was running around the grid like a loon (although it wasn't until quite recently that I found a real purpose in SL — teaching and helping — as opposed to my early "shopping and, you know..." actvities)
The thing is though, what with the recent decision to remove credit card authentication and general promotey stuff, there's been a huge increase in the number of residents. It's getting quite rare that I meet someone with "2005" or earlier in their profile.
And even though I quite like it when someone comments how nice it is to meet someone who's been there a long time, I can't help but always think in the back of my head "yeah, but I wish I'd been here at the start"
Blogging
Ever noticed how bloody often I mention how long I've been doing this? I try to pass it off as a "*la la la*" kind of thing, but I reckon that the sheer frenquency of me mentioning it must give away a rather pathetic attempt to glean some kind of 'kudos' from the notion of longevity.
The whole 'blogging' thing reminds me very much of something that happened towards the end of my undergraduate days...
I'd been trying to find ways of co-ordinating visuals in a club. I knew that I wanted to be able to manually mix video together in sync with the music, but I just couldn't quite work out how I was going to do it. Until I hit on the idea of having pre-made tapes with different 'paces' to them, and using some kind of 'mixer' to, er, mix.
I was dead proud of myself at the time. I felt like I'd invented a totally new kind of art-form. I cobbled together a Heath Robinson affair with VCRs and TVs and a (very sexy) mixer I'd hired, and patted myself on the back repeatedly.
It was only afterwards — perhaps even days afterwawrds — whilst doing a little more in-depth research, that I discovered that people had been doing exactly the same thing for ages.
So yeah, same with blogging. Here's me all on my tod, writing a diary and coding a little script that made it a lot easier for myself. Then months down the line I discover that half the planet has been doing the exact same thing — but for a good few years previously.
...
There's no real intent to this post BTW — it's just a general expression of frustration. Even though the concept of "locality" is, to all intents and purposes, non-existent online, I can't help but wonder sometimes if my isolationist existence here in the wastelands of the North West (actually, Lancaster specifically ) somehow contributes to this 'Jennie-come-lately' set of experiences.
I think what really brought all of this to mind though, was a discussion I had with a colleague the other day. We were talking about the things that I've been doing/involved with recently, and there was a gradual realisation in my head that yeah, I have done a shit-load of interesting stuff — most noticably in the past year.
The problem that I contiually have, is that I never tell people about the stuff I do — or rather, I do, but I tend to only tell a few. And as such I'm forever developing things on my own — never making the connections with people outside of my own little sphere.
Part of the reasons for that though, is fear. That legacy of always being an 'outsider' when I was young means that I never have the courage to 'blow my own trumpet' (as it were) in larger forums. I'm always afraid of being labled a "n00bie", or not being taken seriously because of how I choose to present myself online.¹
Dammit. I hate being a coward.
¹ You know, the 'tranny' thing. I was walking through one of the sandbox islands a couple of days ago, and I caught a snippet of a couple of guys' conversation. "What do you mean 'her info'?". Paranoid Me™ instantly jumped to the conclusion that they were checking out the 'First Life' part of my profile. I'm quite open in my profile about who I am — I'm still not entirely sure whether that's a good idea or not.
Wow! You have Status Anxiety!
Don't worry. We all do
That was a long'un! Possibly not by your standards, though.
Identify with the finding other people have discovered stuff before I have. Including you and del.icio.us — didn't get it for ages, and then one day it clicked for me and I use it all the time.
And sometimes I think 'Wow Rachel -that's a cool thought', and then discover someone like Seth Godin came up with it 6 months earlier. Although there's a cosy feeling when I realise I've taken it a wee bit further, but then again maybe he (Seth) just didn't elaborate.
But don't folk sometimes give credit to these gurus when there's probably been other folk who've had these brilliant thoughts earlier, but just haven't had the visibility. Must be a whole load of ego stuff in there for everyone!
Rachel
Wow! You have Status Anxiety! Don't worry. We all do
In fact, I had it years before you 
(I wish I'd written that in my initial comment)
Yes, I was just thinking "K's missed a chance for one there"
That was not boring at all. In fact I can totally relate to what you are saying. The closest I ever came was back when ICQ was the main messenger program. I had a 4 digit number and took so much pride in that, but what's the use anymore? How many people actually use ICG anymore? Now we can just consider ourselves "fashionably late" when we discover cool things. After all We are the Pretty Ones and we are expected to be fashionably late.
Heh, I never did do anything with that did I? Apart from using it as a domain name for a the odd thing
I must just (before anyone does it for me) point out that this whole 'status anxiety' thing (Thanks K I might have to buy that) is more the result of me not getting up off my backside and engaging with things around me, than it is of me arriving just a little too late to every web-party.
I wouldn't read the above in any way other than a mini-rant, and a note-to-self to give myself a large kick up the arse.
All the things you mention are in the internet realm so your physical locale doesn't really matter you could have been sat in San Fransico and not know anything about all this if you weren't connected to the web. And even if you were you have to be interested in it.
Getting to be in at the really early days of a clever thing is probably fairly flukey occurance, you would have to already know, and through the net counts, the person doing the clever thing (like Becky and her sudoku) But just being an early adaptor I think you're in a good a position as anyone.
Maybe there's a down-side to being an 'early adopter': You get to experience all the bugs, crashes, system hangs and data loss that all the well-meaning coders, in their rush to beat the competition 'to market', haven't found / fixed. Give me something well-used, working and stable over novelty any-day (now where did I put my clogs? I've a loom to 'fix'.)
If it was a kick in the arse you wanted then you should have just asked!! You know I'd be happy to do that for you!!!
RE: Part of the reasons for that though, is fear.
To me this doesn’t sound like a status thing or inertia or anything like that. It sounds like a freedom thing, or rather fear of your freedoms.
People are Always nicer than you imagine – jump in and feel the thrill of being out of your depth. Pretty soon you wont be. Unless of course your fear is of success…
Cay
If you think it's bad being sloppy seconds for everything, try being thirds. :-S
I think, given enough time, everyone becomes part of the establishment. There's still a huge mass of people in the UK alone who at best still think of the internet as a "prettier CEEFAX" read-only medium, and at worst avoid it completely. To them, we're the "early adopters".
...
I always worry when I post to your blog that I've completely missed the point of what you were saying. 
(You're assuming there that I actually have a "point" )
I think (in true-to-form-meandering-stylee) that it's got a fair bit to do with levels of confidence. I find that a lot of the time, even though I have got something interesting and constructive to add to a debate, the thought of being sidelined and scoffed at always disuades me from joining in.
At the risk of becoming far too navel-gazey, I think I rely a lot on assumed levels of authority to boost my confidence enough in order to contribute.
Perhaps it's not "Status Anxiety" — perhaps it's "Reputation Anxiety" — perhaps it's also a mixture of a fear of failure and a fear of success...
/me curls up in ball of teenage angst
...
Sorry
Just picking up on something Jane said though:
All the things you mention are in the internet realm so your physical locale doesn't really matter
While I think theoretically this is true — or at least, aspirationally it is, there's still no substitute for actual face-to-face discussions (preferably over a drink )
I think also that living within a 'hub' of 'net activity can have a massive influence over how engaged you are with things that go on. Right this very second — for example — I'm lying in my back yard with the laptop, having a disjointed conversation with various people all over the planet. There isn't the atmosphere around here to actually go out and get involved with things.
Or, to put it in Trannie Terms™, you can — theoretically — spend you're whole time taking pictures of yourself and uploading them to Flickr, using the discussions and comments as a way of keeping connected with people. But nothing beats actually going out and seeing people face to face
awwwh, big hug
IMO there is no substitute for meeting people face to face, it’s still the only way things really happen or get off the ground that leads to any level of mutual satisfaction. Yeh, keep in touch and keep things going by email/phone, but for now face to face at some point is essential. ‘The Next Generation’ may develop online etiquette to such a high level that ‘face time’ becomes optional, in fact they’ll probable have to when the oil runs out…
Go on, take your mind of your teenage angst and have a think about what might characterise future online discourse that dispenses entirely with the need for physically meeting. You are allowed to paint your toe whilst doing so I’ve just done mine a dashing burgundy.
I am painfully aware that all this probably amounts to raking through sloppy seconds and that ‘face time’ is sooo déclassé. I am a sufferer too – I invented the ipod you know…
Cay
LOL 
Go on, take your mind of your teenage angst
In other words, "Stop writing like you have a Livejournal, and put your energies into something useful"?
Will do
Populr
So, having been intrigued by flickrinspector and the obsessive numbers game that might ensue, I thought it would be interesting to write something that worked out how well read your blog was — based on various algorithms. To which end I present you with my afternoon's work...
Just pop your url in the form below, and Erin will work out your score...
It takes a few seconds to work, because there's a lot of calculations and stuff, and it's not very pretty as yet, but enjoy
So what are these algorithms then? A google link: search?
Ack, that would be too easy
I smell a sleep() and a rand()...
*pfft* Would a rand() give you the same result each time? I think not
No, just figured its something you've probably thought about and would have something interesting to say on it. You are as immersed in all of this as anyone i've come across. In a good way
Cay
You didn't deny the sleep()... it adds to the drama.
Kath, you're rubbish. RUBBISH I say,,,,I'm not going to share the algorithms,,,,I'm going to patent them and make a mint
No, just figured its something you've probably thought about
Well, a little. I do find most text-based IM thingies stiffle conversation. But I kinda feel that way about the phone as well.
Dunno, I'll have to think about that...
Horray for a 7,950. I don't even have that many readers, it being a friends-only LJ and all. I really need to change that and get my own URL and such. And then just send it back to LJ automatically.
It is better, the higher you are, right?
Yes, yes it is. I was going to do a 'ranking' thing, but decided against it. Scores are more fun, I think
The thing is, you see, it takes into account all sorts of things other than links — like how much you write, and how frequently. This is why I score quite low on it — because I write so bloody much.
Wow, that's really impressive. Took a quick look at the back-end, hope you don't mind.
I love the way it weights based on actual self-importance rather than imagined self-importance. The kitten frequency analyser could do with tweaking, IMHO. But apart from that, brilliant! Great use of the Who's Who API, by the way.
Great use of the Who's Who API, by the way.
I thought you'd like that bit I'm thinking of taking the kitten stuff out though — it's not really that relevant, and I only put it in because I thought it would weight things in my favour
No, leave the kitten stuff in, my occasion blogs about my Mum's cat have helped give me a score of 8,126.
Sloppy Seconds (notice the irony of posting this too late) — the location stuff is a red herring. If you moved into the coolest most web-media-tranny centric part of London (Manchester/wherever), all you would do is find yourself a different clique. Unless your social networking is on some higher plane, you tend to end up with a group of people who might extend your 'knowledge base' slightly, but you're not much more likely to be in on the start of anything.
The only way to be in on the start is to be the one that is starting it. If I win the lottery, I'll set up a centre where people can explore and innovate (and promote sexual self expression in a non onanistic way). I'll also be a bit suprised because I don't get lottery tickets.
You see that's my problem — I don't plan ahead.
Stange, random characters give random populr scores. I like it.
An anonymous coward
Ah, that's a bug If Erin can't find the url, she tries a few things, but ends up with random pages. I'm still not entirely sure why that is.
Is it sad that i was very pleased with my score?
No, but you can tell the grid is down
yes, im so fed up its down, I might even post tonight! Do you love the new Snapshot controls?
I haven't had the chance to try them yet — I got home 2 minutes after they shut it down 
You are going to love them! so good, you can scale the jpg right from the interface, loads of options. It even makes the whole screen a snaphot which you can then custom on the fly. I feel lost without SL tonight, its a sign. All my eggs in one basket?
Yes THought you said you were going to post?
Hehe, im just getting my photos together. I have found some of the best Photoshop brushes of all time, its going to be re-design time next week, then im going to stick to a posting schedule. Its either be strict or call it a day.
the location stuff is a red herring. If you moved into the coolest most web-media-tranny centric part of London (Manchester/wherever), all you would do is find yourself a different clique.
Ack, I'm not so sure Claudia. Maybe that's the case, but it's perhaps a clique I'd like to be in. The past couple of times I've been down in London with K , we seem to have spent the evening getting a bit drunk with SL people — and I really like that. I know that that doesn't happen all the time down there, but it happens more than up here (ie. "at least once")
This though, is all veering away from my "semi-early adopter" thing from this morning, and towards my usual "Lancaster is my place to get away from things — which is OK as long as I have things to get away from" routine. I think that, at the moment, I'm feeling (for one reason or another) a little trapped here right now.
Argh!
So my evening's plans are skuppered. No matter, let's go see what's happening on Flickr...
Noooooooooooooooo!
MegaTokyo : "DPD — Pol3sitting"
Sometimes, I'm in absolute awe of Fred Gallagher's work
There's always Zooomr...
Yeah, see, I'm not that desperate
And besides, I bet Zooomr don't have colouring-in competitions
1:10am and still no SL. There goes my pre bedtime plans!
Maybe I should try getting a decent amount of sleep for once.
Serena Mayfly
Regarding your e-social anxiety, i was going to suggest you to go around annonymous for a while, but it's now off topic.
Regarding the sloppy seconds (funny bone tickled), i believe that unless you know the guy who knows th guy who knows the guy who's doing it, it's very difficult to get in there first.
And i have always thought that the peoples who are the first ones to get some new cool toys on the intarnet need to go out more often. (Though i DO need to go out more often... So i'm not in position to criticize)
Ah, i messed up something in there. I'm Zaida Angel.
:O I only managed to get 1,149.
God, I swear I'm interesting. And I even have approximately 100 faithful readers of my nearly-all-friendslocked (except for things over 2 years old) blog!
...that doesn't matter, does it?
Yeah... I remember when I first discovered MegaTokyo, I sat up all night reading through the archives in awe. "Pol3sitting" really blew me away... I love the lighting. Amazing!
Emily S
Mmmmmmm... Megatokyo
I'm sure I've seen your maid's outfit in one of the strips.
Sloppy Seconds?!? I can't wait to hear about this!!!!