Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
Fear Change
Someone, somewhere, is trying to tell me something
Eschewing The Familiar
Sorry I've been quiet. I'm nearly at the end of my Busy Little Period™ where I drag seventy-odd students, kicking and screaming, through the vagarities of Final Cut Pro. I mean, I know it's not really The Most Staggering Thing In The World™ — it's just, well, rather disorientating.
There's something else though — an impending sensation of 'change'.
Ack, I dunno 
Part of me is reluctant to write about what's going on in my head at the moment, because I don't really know how I feel about it. Suffice it to say that I'm currently finding myself looking tentatively over the edge of a massive shift in the way I live my life, and the potentially enormous changes that are going to happen.
It's kinda scarey
I guess I spend a lot of time sitting in this house — infront of one computer or another — quietly lamenting the lack of impetus and drive from various areas in which I'm involved. The isolationary implications of living in a pissant little city in the (at the moment) cold and wet top-left corner of a country I wasn't even born in gets me down sometimes, but despite this, I can't help but feel that the tiny little box that I've carved out for myself — a box that I've spent a bloody fortune on over the years — a box that, in some respects, acts as a cocoon in which to hide from the outside — is very much my home now.
Ack. Sorry.
Basically, there's suddenly an impetus to move away from here, on to pastures more Yorkshirian. And that photo above, is just a little thing that I noticed earlier — a thought that reminded me that it's impossible to hide yourself away from everything forever, and that even in your own environment, things change.
What's weird though, is that as well as the sudden realisation that even if I wanted to try and cling on to the present (or past) I can't, I got a phonecall out of the blue earlier...
A few years ago, I remortgaged my house to pay for stuff like the kitchen and the floor and the fireplace. Now, I'm one of those lucky bitches who bought their house well before the prices went stoopid — and am sat here with a rather large and hefty chunk of equity, even after a remortgage.
The phonecall was from my financial advisor — who I haven't heard from for at least 2 years. He was just wondering if I wanted to try and find a better rate, but since the thought of moving away from here had jumped into my head from nowhere, I thought I'd ask him how big a mortgage I could afford.
Turns out, even not taking the pay rise that's being mooted around work at the moment, I can afford shit loads.
And suddenly I'm thinking that maybe I'd like to move
...
About 14 months ago, my ex and I sat down and had a Long Serious Chat About Where We Were Going™. We talked about things like moving in together, where we wanted to be in a few years. We even talked about babies.
(Look, apologies. I just need to get this off my chest)
We decided between the pair of us that we'd start trying round about now, and that after a year, we'd pool-together our two houses and buy some big fuck-off mansion in Leeds.
So there's part of me that's always resisted the idea of moving to Leeds ever since (as opposed to before, when I opposed it because I Don't Like Leeds™), on the basis that in my head it was something we were going to do — and to do it on my own would feel, well, like a failure — perhaps.
...
...
Gah. This is an abortive attempt to just express a bewildering feeling. It's totally failed, so I apologise. I would have tried to refine it a bit, but I got sidetracked by the appearance of a mouse through the cat flap.
Think I'll just get pissed tonight.
For the record though: I'm (a) excited, (b) upset, (c) annoyed, and (d) confused
Move to London instead. Your shit loads will be nothing here, and you'll feel like a student all over again. There's plenty of us down here to love you xxx
Go South — I did ages ago. The fact is that people are generally more broad-minded here, maybe because more of them have busy jobs and they have nbetter things to think about than what you're wearing. I don't go out en-femme but I do go out and about all the time, high streets, malls, etc here in what amounts to a pleated skirt and colourful top and only very rarely get a negative comment.
Susan
Nooooo!!!! Stay oop North!!! London ain't big enough for the two of us!
You could do a kind of Channel 4 reality show "Tranny Swap" with Miss K.
I'd watch that. 
Nice house for sale in Kent.... 
Don't. Go. To. Kent.
There is nothing for you there.
Move to London
Um guys, we do all remember the bit about me working in Leeds don't we?
People in the south "more broadminded"? What rubbish. I met two of those woofter men the other day in the street and hardly anyone stared at them.
looby
Lancaster is not pissant. Pfft. Is it?
Alison
A little
Lancaster is the gateway to oblivia. Think of the nightlife of the least densely populated part of the planet and divide by ten to get some idea of the excitement that can be found in Lancaster.
But Leeds is the place where they film "Countdown"...
I'm losing this argument now, aren't I?
hhhhhhmmmmmm i love lancaster......
roxysmith
Wow — is that real? They took down all the lovely gasholders near me in King's Cross too — they used to be in all period dramas because it was the last street in London where you could do a 360-degree pan and stay in the Nineteenth Century...