Monday, 19th March, 2007

Twittervision

link twitter

It's like a huge global conversation, randomly interrupted by David Hasselhof — I could watch it for hours, but I've got too much to do today...

A Minor Apology

random insecurity

I can't help but feel, sometimes, that the content of my blog slips away into the random and uniteresting. As much as I love the Fluidity Of The Now™ that seems to underly it, it does bother me when that 'Now' descends into tiny fragments of interest.

Real-world distractions, mountains of work, household chores and the like, often pull my attention away from the things that I want to be doing — writing/talking about stuff like the seperation of self from the avatar/girl because of 'voice', overhauling screeds of code to Make Life Easier™, fluffing around the living-room in petticoats — that sort of thing.

Today, I will mostly be doing laundry, processing a mountain of CDs, stocking up te fridge, and fretting that I've become very boring of late.

Just very quickly though: a momentary snapshot of my state of mind...

Woke up with a grin on my face. Feel very good about things in general. All these things I'm involved with — the things that are pulling me away from writing coherently about stuff — (like the book for example, although that's not really taking up time any more, I just wanted to pimp it again) are on the one hand very exciting, and on the other very scarey. I had a little moment of self-doubt last night, surrounded by some spectacular work by a whole bunch of SL Scripters. My little contribution seemed rather pathetic in comparison, but I pulled myself together quite quickly.

I dunno — head's all over the place at the moment. Sorry

...

As an aside, I was just wondering if anyone reads my source code ever? And if anyone had noticed things going on in it recently...

Remains of the Day

photo wine

"Open box. Squeeze"

Some Getting Used To

photo kisa secondlife neko skin

I've had the same skin for about 18 months now. It's done me well in that time, but recently I've been seeing so many better-shaded ones around. I've been trying demos on left, right and centre, but so far the only one that's come close to how I see myself is this one (Aria Doll Lashes — or something like that — from Naughty Designs)

Still not entirely sure though. It's funny how changing skins can totally alter your facial structure, and I guess it takes a while to settle into one

Yeah, it's a lot lighter. There was a darker one — 'blackberry' I think — butI thought I'd try light for a change.

Hmm. "Change" — an idea I should apply to my RL make-up, rather than relying on black eyeshadow all the time...

Not as detailed a one as I'd like to have, although there are some early photos in my stream of me without a skin at all — just the default freckles.

But, I've never deleted my AVs from my inventory — just created new folders. So I could do something using them.

(It's funny, sometimes, jumping back into the original AV that I walked off Orientation Island wearing, and scaring the crap out of people)

Thanks It kinda makes sense to me — having a little widget somewhere here wouldn't have fitted in to the 'flow'. And I know it might seem a bit daft to have them as comments, but I like the idea of a 'backchannel' — so to speak — they provide a little bit of contextualisation, a snapshot of what's going on, without barging their way obtrusively into the main body.

Indeed — impact is everything

Speaking Of Widgets

(Which I was) I just wondered if anyone else got an email like this from someone trying to promote something called "AutoRoll"...?

Hi Siobhan,

From what I read, your blog seems to cover a lot of interesting topics around your original and personal vision on everyday's life. Your blog is quite visible (I found you in the first results of Technorati), so I guess you must receive loads of messages.

Hmm It goes on to rave about this new thing, and suggests I install it in my sidebar — which makes me doubtful whether he actually looked at my blog (and, considering the 'I found you in the first results of Technorati', I doubt it even more — I'm 64,290th, which although I feel isn't bad, it's hardly the "first page").

Me not actually having a sidebar, and all

Whatever. It all read like a stock email, masquerading as flattery — and, if anyone had noticed, I'm not prone to taking what appears to be bot-generated flattery very well.

personal vision on everyday's life

WTF does that mean, anyway?

...

It was the last line that narked me though:

I hate those stupid spams as much as you

Yes, well, let me see — random email out of the blue trying to sell me something. That counts as spam to me

Vocal Dischords

voice audio secondlife video

Apologies for the directionless rambling. I guess I talk the same way that I write — sidetracking all over the place, and eventually forgetting the plot. But hey. To be honest, I wouldn't sit down and watch this — the video is really just me flapping my hands about. I'd have it on in the background while doing the dishes or something...

It's about 80MB, I'll warn you now. Oh, and it kinda trails off rather weirdly at the end

Anyway, I think I gave up on the idea of writing/talking 'fixed ideas' a long time ago, so I wouldn't watch that expecting some kind of 'perfectly-formed' viewpoint — just some trannie talking to herself and trying to work out what she thinks about things

I left some stuff out that was in my head earlier — like a bit of a chuckle at some of the more affected feminine voices I've heard trannies using over the years. But you can't have everything...

Here's the link I mention near the start BTW — Cala: The Crisis of Voice. Even though my own personal experience of being 'TG' in SL doesn't exactly correlate to those she quotes, I find it fascinating — and a real eye-opener — all the same.

Is that my point though — that even though everyone knows what I sound like, to interject that into this space 'breaks the fourth wall' and shatters the suspension of disbelief?

I mean, you obviously know what I sound like — we've talked over the phone, face to face, and even Super Modern Video Link-Up Type Things loads of times — but in this context (and, by extension, in other contexts like SL where I re-present myself in similarly text-based ways) it just feels wrong?

doing something because it's possible

As opposed to doing something because it's interesting — agreed

If I could customise how my voice sounded in SL to the nth degree, in the same way as the rest of the avatar is customisable, then the technology would be fit for purpose.

I wonder about that though. As I said, Even if other people could hear me the way I thought I should sound, I couldn't — which is (perhaps) one of the most important things (for me). It's how I see/hear/imagine myself that gives me that mental 'hook' into that space — not the re-perception of others.

(Although that might be bollocks — how people see me obviously feeds back into how I see myself)

You're making me think

A fair trade-off I feel. You're making me try and think of hilariously witty comebacks to this — which I am so going to fail to do tonight, but it's going to bug me all day tomorrow