Hello 
I'm Siobhan Curran/Kisa Naumova, and this is my weblog. I tend to write about stuff like crossdressing, Macs, code, cats, wine and Second Life, but in general it's just an ongoing conversation about all sorts of stuff. If you'd like to know a little bit more about what this all is, I recommend starting on this page which has a little bit of info on who I am, and what I'm trying to do — or you could dive into my five years worth of archives if you like.
Otherwise, feel free to close this box and explore...
Too Close To Home
I had a really nice email waiting for me when I came back from doing my laundry earlier today, asking me for permission to use one of my photographs in an online guide to Belfast.
I mean, obviously there's a debate to be had about the pros and cons of amateur photography eroding the territory of professionals, not to mention the fact that it wasn't actually a very good photo (taken with my phone, rather than my camera). But hey — it put a momentary smile on my face to think that Someone From The Internet™ had noticed something I'd made.
My mouse was hovering over the 'agree' button on the web page they'd sent me to confirm their use of it, just as my paranoia kicked in.
I realise that the chances of being 'outed' through a tiny picture on a guide to where my parents live are miniscule (you'd have to click through the picture to its Flickr page, then follow on with my photostream, to get even a hint that I was a tranny) — but nevertheless, I decided it just wasn't a risk I wanted to take. No matter how small a risk.
It's odd though, thinking about my reaction to that. I mean, I'm rather excessively out over here — there are practically no groups of people who are important to me that don't know about my penchant for dresses. In my head though, the 'Belfast me' is still in the closet. Any suggestion that anyone from back home had even an inkling that I paraded around my bedroom in stockings and suspenders would make my skin crawl, and I shudder — with an almost embarassment — at the notion that people from my past could stumble across this existence.
I think it's mostly due to the fact that I used moving to England as a chance to 'start afresh'. I felt — for whatever reason — able to be quite open about the kind of person I knew that I was. It's possible that that was because I was now in a University environment, surrounded (on the whole) by people who were all quite open to new ideas.
It's also possible that now I was living in my own space, I was able to be a transvestite more — the opportunities to dabble with make-up being considerably less sparse, and the spaces to store clothes not constantly under the threat of detection.
And, of course, it wasn't until the second year of Uni that I called myself "Siobhan", so maybe I just can't make the retrospective leap of plot to think of myself as Ms Curran back in Belfast.
But hey. It was a bit of a shame to exclude myself from the site, but not the end of the world. It did strike me though, that there's almost a constant tightrope that I walk — teetering on the very fine line between obscurity and publicity.
Despite all my arrogant posturings about being "active" and trying to promote a more 'reasoned' appreciation of what it means to be a tranny (as in "Well yes, I am wearing a frock, but I make interesting things. Just because I crossdress, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm a weirdo"¹), there is this terrible frustration from the conflict between wanting to be noticed, and not wanting to be noticed.
If it wasn't for Belfast, I'd be a lot less guarded and reticent about some of the opportunities that come my way. It frustrates me that I feel that I can't.
¹ The converse of that (natch) is true: "Just because I crossdress, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm not a weirdo"
Candyfloss
I just thought these clouds looked fantastic
I mean, obviously there's a debate to be had about the pros and cons of amateur photography eroding the territory of professionals
There is?
You seem to be implying a pro has some fundamental right to preferential, protected status.
I don't remotely agree.
If an 'amateur' genuinely outcompetes a 'professional', great. A pro's sole protection is to consistently produce better images.
I've had a few of my photos used in online guides to places I've been on holiday, but then I still have a boy and a girl flickr account so in that sense it's easier as they are kept separate..
Newsnight
ROFL 
although not quite there with the Bush one.
and of course, why would your parents be looking at an online guide to their own city? They live there, they don't need a guide.
At least Cameron's latest blunder (basically bad-mouthing my hospital) is keeping me busy with web updates at work.
Is it a Schmap guide?
It is. And I'm assuming you're on the verge of telling me that the entirety of the Kings Lynn photography came out of your 350D?
why would your parents be looking at an online guide to their own city?
Because they're (natch) like me. I Google Lancaster daily. I can't explain why.
You seem to be implying a pro has some fundamental right to preferential, protected status.
No, I'm implying that Art Directors are increasingly lazy, and their audiences don't have the aesthetic gumption to be able to tell the difference.
I'm assuming you're on the verge of telling me that the entirety of the Kings Lynn photography came out of your 350D?
Nah, who the hell would want a guide for here? 
I think they took an Amsterdam one and a couple of Barcelona ones a while back, I think they basically hunt down anyone enlightened enough to have set friendly CC licences on their photos. But you're right, they're very polite about it.
Out of interest I just googled:
+"Graham *******" +belfast
Which is what I would do if I used to know you in Belfast and was trying to find out if you had a web page. It's not going to take Miss Marple to work out a fair bit about you ;o)
Oh, and I very much suspect your mum was dropping a heavy hint the other day to just that effect. Could be wrong though. That has been known to happen. Almost hourly actually.
I love the Bush thing! I've not seen that one, before. Thanks for sharing it!
Okay, serious question time: is it so bad if your parents find out about your life through you? If they find out because of some cowardly, mealy-mouthed foul excuse of a person (aka a gossip), would you be able to "extricate" yourself?
One reason I told (and told, and told, and told...) my parents was because I simply didn't want the aforementioned scent-challenged person "reporting" on me. Lies would, I was sure, follow. (Oh, how they tried to follow.)
It's your life, and I would never presume to tell anyone how to live it. (I know... I was playing with words. Let me rephrase.) I would never tell you how to live your life, nor will I ever say "you should do this or that"; we all have to succeed on our own terms. But I will ask if honesty is not the best policy?
While I don't know you, or your parents, I can offer this: my parents and I have "agreed to ignore" the aspects of my life they find less-than-agreeable. I almost said "disturbing", but that would bely (and even betray) the fortitude of them, who have put with, and conquered, some considerable adversity in their lives.
Again, I'm not telling you what you should do. You make that choice.
On the other hand, it took me years longer to tell my parents I'd quit smoking than it did to tell them I'd started — again. (Although I must admit, when I quit for good, it was because of the Mrs, and it was the second best decision I ever made. The first was chasing her. )
At the (considerable, and calculable) risk of annoying you, inviting your ire, etc: Sometimes the pain of honesty outweighs the pain of deception. For is that not what you're doing, and your Mom might have a suspicion?
I will offer, in my defense, that we children underestimate our parents as often as we think they underestimate us.
If I offended, please accept my sincere apologies.
Carolyn Ann
Not offended Carolyn — it's just something I've been over before. Regardless of whether they have an inkling or not (and I don't believe that they do, I just think they think their son is a little 'odd'), it's not something I'd ever consider sharing.
Out of interest I just googled [...]
Argh! Hurrah for my anti-Googlebot regex 
You may want to take a look at Kisa's Flickr profile: "On Flickr I'm also Siobhan Curran and G..."
Yeah, I know. I'm still not sure how good an idea that was.
Well, if you hadn't put that on Kisa's Flickr profile, I'd have never found this blog and entered into the wonderful world of Siobhan Curran So I, for one, am very glad you did!
I've had several Flickr messages asking to use a photo or two I took in guides here and there. Never any of the trans stuff. Mostly places I've been. But I can identify with the satisfaction that comes with something you've done being noticed and what not.